Prayers for wisdom

I don't mean to brag, but I'm no dummy. I graduated in the top 10% of my class in high school and then with honors in college. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am a genius or anything....but I do okay when it comes to book learning. But nothing....let me say it again....NOTHING....has made me feel quite so stupid as becoming a mom.

Time after time I am faced with decisions and situations that are mind boggling. What do you do when your toddler throws themselves on the floor and if crying so violently they may just heave? How should you respond when your son asks you why God can't come into you heart....why does it have to be Jesus? What's the appropriate way to squelch sibling rivalry? See....I feel stupid....I don't have the answers to those questions.

And yesterday I felt my mommy IQ drop a few more points. I got an email from Kaleb's teacher saying that his behavior is getting worse in class. It's not so much that he is disrespectful, but that he consistently gets off task. He dances in the hall, plays in the bathroom, gets out of his seat, sings while he works, talks while the teacher is talking, and meanders around the room. None of those things shock me about my little man. But, hearing that he has become a significant disruption to the class is heartbreaking to me.

The teacher assured me that academically he is at the top of his class....learning to read and write very quickly. But, she was hoping his behavior would have calmed down by now. Me too. And I am not really sure how to help me. We offer rewards, we are consistent with discipline, we encourage, reprimand, and pray....pray....and pray some more.

Yesterday I just felt defeated. I felt like everything we are trying to accomplish with Kaleb is not "sticking." I felt worthless as a mom. I felt embarrassed and sad. I don't want my kid to be "that kid" that teachers talk about in the workroom and that they are glad when they are absent. I want him to be someone who does the right thing. I want....

....wait....I am having a revelation. I am sensing the Lord's voice even as I type this....

When you boil it all the way down, what I am really worried about is not Kaleb at all. What I am really concerned with is that people see me as a good mom. OUCH! That's not a very pleasant revelation. But, praise be to God for speaking His truth into my life so that I can look more like Him.

Lord...may I put my kids needs above my own desires. May I truly seek what is best for them. Would you intervene in their lives in such a way that they will surrender themselves to you and live a life that pleases YOU. And may you intervene in my life in such a way that I will die to myself and give you total control over the way I see myself and how I parent my children.

Friends, will you continue to pray for my sweet Kaleb? He is such a precious boy and I want people to get to see the sweet and sensitive heart that is inside him. He truly loves people and he truly wants to see people be happy. He is willing to sacrifice his own happiness in order to give someone else what they want.

I don't want people to be put off by his inability to focus and be still that they miss who he REALLY is. Pray that he will develop self control. Pray that Rayden and I will have wisdom as we teach him and as we provide rewards and punishments. And pray for wisdom as we begin researching ways to help him through diet, vitamins, and possibly even medication (we are going to investigate with doctors and counselors the possibility of adhd). Mostly though, pray that my little man will honor God in every way.