a heartbreaking Sunday

Well, it has begun. I guess I knew that this day would come. I was sort of hoping that because I married a pastor we would be immune to this. No such luck.

This morning Kaleb crawled into my bed and informed me that he wasn't going to go to church with us this morning because he doesn't like church.

Can you hear my heart breaking? I can. It is still breaking an hour after our conversation.

I was asking all sorts of probing questions to get to the heart of the issue. But I was slightly unprepared for a conversation of this magnitude at 6:30 am. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit's work in my life to prompt me and guide me. He finally told me that he only has 2 friends in his class (even though that's not true). I explained to him that he has lots of friends in his class...and even if he didn't, this would be a chance to make some new friends. In case you didn't know....that kind of logic doesn't fly with a 5 year old. So, I moved on to a more spiritual description of why he would, in fact, be attending church with us today. I explained to him that God created church so that we can encourage other people who love God and so that we can learn more about what the Bible says. I told him that going to church is just one of many ways we show God just how much we love him. This logic also was not good enough for Kaleb. So, I sent him to lay in his bed until he could find a happy heart. I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but I was at a loss. I figured that I presented logical and spiritual explanations and that the only thing left to do before demanding compliance was to give him a moment for God to speak to his little heart.

A few moments later Kaleb emerged. A bit sheepish and quiet he tiptoed into my bathroom. I asked him if he found his happy heart. He said yes. I held his face in my hands and told him that I loved him and that going to church was really important to me and God. Then we hugged and he ran off as if nothing ever happened.

I stood in my bathroom alone....still heart broken....begging God to grow in my children a deep love and devotion for God. I do sense, however, that this is not the last time I will have this conversation with Kaleb. While I do know that he loves God and wants to honor Him, I also sense in him a heart that is easily tempted by rebellion. I believe that God wants to use Kaleb to do amazing things....I have thought sense his birth that God was calling Kaleb to lead (just like his daddy). It is my prayer that he would lead people towards Truth. It is my prayer that Kaleb would rise up under temptation and learn to use God's power in Him to defeat the enemy that seeks to destroy him.

This conversation this morning....while at first it left me feeling defeated as a parent....has inspired me. As I write about it I am realizing again my calling as a parent. It is entirely spiritual in nature. This conversation reminds me that there in indeed an enemy out there who is looking to destroy my children (I know that is terrifying to think about, but it's just better if we all face reality). It is my job to battle in prayer for their souls and their well-being. It is also my job to model for my kids what it looks like to rely on God and worship him with my life. It is also my job to train my kids in how to overcome the devil by relying on God's strength and those whom God has placed in our lives.

Thank you Jesus for the conversation I had with Kaleb this morning. May it prompt me to work harder at being a godly mom. Soften Kaleb's heart....make it wholly yours.