another day....another E.R.

It is Monday morning....1:23 am. I am sitting in St. Francis Hospital's emergency room. I had to bring my mom here because her delusions are becoming too much for me to handle. We need a better long term (and short term, for that matter) solution. The only thing I could think to do was bring her to the ER for another evaluation and then get some help from there. I am hoping to get her into the state mental health facility. There just isn't any way for her to be on her own anymore. She can't manage her meals or her medications. She is consistenly paranoid. Today she thought that people were coming to get her and cut out her tongue (and another body part that will remain unnamed). I can not even imagine how scary that must be for her. I want to cry even now as I watch her try to sleep in this hospital bed. Obviously the medications we have her on now are just not cutting it. Going to see the psychaitrist once a month is just not enough. She needs some intense treatments. She needs new meds, new therapies, and more help than I can give her. As I wait here for the psych consult, I am praying that God will miraculously provide a solution for us. May it be new meds, a new doc, a hospital that will admit her despite the fact that she has no insurance....I don't care. She just needs help.

In fact....we BOTH need help. I need help. I can not do this anymore. It's not that I am throwing up my hands in surrender because the task is tiring and difficult. That's not it at all. I am willing to walk this rocky path. I just simply need help caring for her...this is so much bigger than what i understand. I have no knowledge or experience in this area. I have been blessed with wonderful resources along the way....Debbie, a friend from church, has been an encourager and helped give me advice about where to take her. Danielle, a dear friend in Nebraska, is praying....I KNOW she is praying. That means the world to me. My best friend Katie flew in from Dallas to surprise me for my birthday....and we spent the day sitting together in the ER waiting room watching Brian Regan and Tim Hawkins clips. And, of course, my darling husband. He. is. amazing. I could NOT do any of this without him. enough said.

Even with all that help, it is time to start letting go. My wishing that she will get better is not helping any. I need to find a place where she can live and be treated by medical professionals. Will you please pray that she would be admitted to the hospital? Will you please pray that we find a short term solution we can all live with? Will you please pray that we find an appropriate long term solution that will help her become functional again?

But first, will you please pray that this psych doc gets here soon. We've been waiting since 7:00.