what a mighty good man

Remember that group "TLC." I used to love them....but there words were a bit racy for a young innocent girl like me so I never listened to them until I was in college. They have a song about a guy....actually, they probably have lots of songs about one guy or another, but the song I am referring to is "what a man".

Do you know that one? Well, let me hum a few bars for you....

"What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man."

Sheer lyrical genius, right? Well, it may not be eloquently stated, but these words most certainly describe the fellow that God sent into my life for me to journey with.

Let me just say it for the record....Rayden Hollis is the most amazing man I have ever met. There you have it. I know lots of women think they have the greatest husband around, but I am going to have to burst their bubble right here and now. They simply cannot have the greatest husband because I do.

Not only does he help me with housework (even without me asking....that's right ladies....he takes housecleaning initiative!). He also does more than his share with the kids....playing, bathing, dressing, disciplining, etc. He also tells me DAILY how he loves me, thinks I am gorgeous, and compliments my skills. All this while leading a church. So, I am always impressed and grateful with the man that he is, but two nights ago he took my breath away.

Wednesday night was a rough one for me....to say the least. I had a meltdown of epic proportions. (sure does seem like I am melting down a lot these days....hopefully this season will pass quickly) Let me give you a brief rundown:

I was laying on the couch watching tv when Rayden got back from locking up the church. I'm not sure exactly how it came up, but before I knew it I was sobbing hysterically and Rayden was rubbing my back and whispering, "I'm so sorry.....I'm just so sorry you have to go through this and feel these things."

Poor guy. He's been doing lots of counseling in his new position as senior pastor....and most of it is with his own wife!

In between sobs I was able to relay my laundry list of sorrows to my hubby. Not that he could understand me....I seriously was a blubbering mess of tear, boohoos, snot, and mascara. It wasn't pretty at all.

-I told him how I am still just so sad when I think about my mom. It just hurts my heart so badly that I have "lost" her. And even though we butted heads so much when she was well, I miss her terribly and would give almost anything to make her well again.
-I told him about the loneliness I m struggling with. Don't get me wrong, the people in our church have been so warm and welcoming, but it takes time to forge real and deep friendships. I am missing my people. Oh how I am treasuring Lindsey, Karen, Danielle, and Katie. I am praying that God will send me some kindred spirits her in Bolivar.
-I spilled my guts about how I wished I was closer to my brothers. There is truly no way to describe how proud of my brothers I am....how much I love them....how much I enjoy being around them. I'm sure it didn't help that I had just finished watching a DVRed episode of "Brothers and Sisters" where they all live in the same town and see each other almost daily. I've decided that growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be. When you grow up you end up moving away from the very people who helped you live life the first 7000 days you are on this earth. What a rip off!
-I revealed my fear that I am not succeeding as a mother. I know every mom thinks this from time to time. Makes sense to just heap this quilt on top of all the other woes I feel right now.
- I boohooed about the boxes that are still all over our house. I shared how my motivation to get them unpacked is lessening by the nanosecond.
-I cried about how crummy I feel physically. I know it's not great timing, but I decided to wean myself off of my anxiety medication to see how I do without it. As I type this I am sort of realizing what a bad decision that might be for me right here in this moment. Oh well, I'm too far in to back out now. But, coming off of Lexipro makes you feel really dizzy and forgetful. You feel kinda achy and flu-like. It really makes my heart go out to drug addicts who are trying to get clean. This is a much harder process than I anticipated.
-And finally, I wept over my newest hurt. I hesitate to even write about it, because it involves one of my most faithful readers and lots of people who know him. But, it's my blog....it's about my hurts, feelings, and journey. This is a very real part of my journey and it's not as if I can be honest about who I am and how I am trying to bring honor to God in everything without sharing this part of my story. My new wound involves my dad. I love him with all my heart. He means the world to me. He's my daddy....no matter what....not one choice he or I make will change that. But, I learned earlier this week that he plans to move in with his girlfriend (the woman he cheated on my mom and us with). I'm not sure how to handle this. Hence, the sobbing on the couch. I'll leave it at that....there are many more details than that, but they aren't necessary.

So, I basically spewed all this out in a matter of about 45 seconds as I snotted all over my sweet and unassuming husband. He teared up too as he tried his best to bring comfort and point me to the Lord. He rubbed my back, got me a kleenex, offered sweet words of encouragement, and prayed over me. And not once did he mention how hideous I must have looked with streaks of mascara going down my face, puffy and red eyes, and dried snot swiped across my cheeks. I told you....he's a mighty good man!

And on top of all of that....the next morning he let me sleep in until 10:00. He got the kids breakfast, took Kaleb to school, did 2 loads of laundry, and unloaded over 5 of our leftover boxes. He hung pictures that needing hanging, took the trash to the dumpster, and did it all with a smile on his face.

So, you see what I'm saying? I think you'd agree that when casting your ballot for greatest man alive you'd have to mark the box next to "Rayden Hollis."

And on top of all of that....he's famous. He was in the Bolivar paper this Wednesday.