CRAP!

"Crap"

That's what my youngest brother's text read as he responded to the outcome of yesterday's hospital visit. And I must say, I concur completely.

Let me back up and fill you in. Yesterday morning I took my mom (along with my good friend and pediatrician Stephanie) to the Med hoping to get some help. She had called us at 6am with some more serious delusions. She thought she was in jail and that her baby sister was with her. In reality, she was in her apartment and her sister was in Pennsylvania.

In the emergency room we had to disappoint the whole crew by informing them that she has no health insurance. Man, life would look different right now if my mom just had some blasted health insurance! Anyway, they did a whole host of blood work and also a head CT.

I don't know if this is right or wrong, but my heart so desperately wanted something to show up on her head CT. Maybe it would make some sense out of all of this. Maybe then our treatment options would improve. Maybe then I wouldn't have to fear all of this being genetic. Whatever the case, I was hoping for a brain tumor, brain cancer, or something. Mental illness just seems so scary and uncertain. But, regardless of what I hoped for, her labs and CT came back normal.

CRAP.

So it looks as though we are staring into the face of some sort of mental illness. Her psychiatrist says it could be an A-typical case of schizophrenia. The psych consult at the hospital yesterday said it might be early onset dementia. This is why I hate mental illness....they just have to guess. There is no blood test to confirm their findings. You just make your most educated guess and hope you're right. I hate that.

Fast forward to her discharge. They sent her home and told us to follow up with case management (an organization that I was told would help us get some mental health insurance coverage and help us get mom into a long term care facility). So, we left the hospital and took her home. Upon arriving at my mom's apartment I discovered that all the medicine (about 5 days worth) that I had given to her was gone. I think she sleeps in about 3 hour increments and every time she wakes up she thinks it is a new day. No wonder she was so out of it! She had taken 5 days worth of Inderol and Respritol in just 2 days.

I have now taken all her medication and will be driving it over to her house as she needs it. You may be wondering why I don't just let her stay at my house. Well, to answer that I need to tell you that last week she heard a voice in her head telling her to go and get a kitchen knife and cut her wrists. While I KNOW that in her right mind my mother would NEVER hurt herself, me, or my children....I also know that my mother is not in her right mind. I can not risk her hearing another voice like that....or her hearing a voice telling her to hurt my kids. So, she is staying at her house (without any knives or medication) and I will drive her over food and medication 3 times a day. Highly inconvenient....YES! Safe for my kids.....another YES!

I will be working to try and get her some sort of mental health insurance coverage and also keep pestering the government about her disability coverage. I will also be getting my mom to sign a power of attorney form in the next day or so. Finally, I will begin to research assisted living homes where my mom could get help from professionals around the clock.

I'm not very smart in regards to insurance and money. I lack knowledge about mental illness. I am doing as much research as I can. I am trying my best, but this is becoming to big for me. I refuse to let my kids suffer because of this. They, along with Rayden, are my #1 priority. They have to be. I left my family to cleave to my husband. God entrusted my kids to my care. In the same breath, however, I say that I will NOT abandon my mother. But, I am praying for wisdom, guidance, and a solution to this seemingly increasing problem.

Please pray that God would make a way for her to get the help she needs. Please pray that God will give me and my family the strength to navigate this scary waters. Please pray that at the end of this I will look more like Jesus. Please pray that this situation would draw others near to God. Please pray that my children would learn a heart of compassion and service through this. Please pray for a miracle!