V-day

No. I am not speaking of a date historic to the nation we call home. I am referring to a date historic to my own household. It was the day we praised God for 3 beautiful healthy children. It was the day we decided that we were perfectly happy to have those wonderfully healthy children...and no more. It was the day Rayden had a vasectomy. It was last Wednesday.

I have ALWAYS said (well, at least since I was old enough to have actual thoughts about childbirth and parenting) that I would be done have kids by the time I was 30. I got married when I was 20, so I thought....if we want 10 kids that's fine...we'll just have to stack them back to back to back to back....well, you get the point.

We had our first child 2.8 years into marriage. Our second child came 9 months and 24 days after the first one. After that we decided to wait a while....good lord.....I needed to catch my breath! We waffled back and forth about whether or not we would stop after two kids. There are 2 children in Rayden's family and he felt that having an even number worked out great. no one is let out when you play games or ride roller coasters. But, still, in my mind I wasn't ready to call it quits. In the deep recesses of my heart I believed that God may want to give us a little girl. And...ahem....I was right. We decided to start trying for a third baby in November of 2006. I stopped taking the pill and we anticipated really "working" at conceiving in January 2007. That, however, was not necessary. I got pregnant in November 2006 and little Aubri Jane joined our family via C-section in August of 2007.

I had numerous complications after her birth. i was in and out of the hospital for a month. In these tiresome and painful moments I first began to believe our family was complete. But, we knew we couldn't make any decision in the midst of such chaos and disaster. So we waited. And waited. And waited. Rayden made a consultation appointment for this procedure when Aubri was a year old. He came home and told me he was ready. I proceeded to tell him that I was indeed NOT ready. How on earth can I make the decision to not invite another baby into our family. I knew it would be more stressful in lots of ways....financial, time, etc. But I also knew our love would grow exponentially.

Then...about 6 months later I was 3 days late. Yes....with my period. Talk about freaking out! I was in full on panic mode. I was in fact NOT pregnant, but it was a terrifying couple of days for me. I was a mess. I was scared and overwhelmed. Then, 3 months after that I was late again. FREAKING OUT HERE! Then one more time 2 months ago. Only this time I let Rayden ride the rollercoaster with me (those other incidents I didn't tell him anything until they were already over). He lovingly looked into my eyes and held me as I tried not to show how terrified I was and he said, "Sarah, if you are freaking out this much at the possibility of being pregnant, don't you think it's time we rally do something about it?" Hmmmm. Yes. Yes we should.

We made the appointment. We followed through. And now....there is relief. Yes. If I would have gotten pregnant again I would have been thrilled. I would have loved, prayed for, nurtured, and adored a fourth child. But, praise be to Jesus, there won't be a fourth child. At least not by us conceiving one. I will not have to endure pregnancy again an get all fat and horribly uncomfortable. I will not have to have surgery again and suffer any complications from a misplaced epidural. That is all behind me. The deed has been done.

Now, if you will excuse me...I am going to sneak in to each of my 3 babies rooms while they sleep and give them night-night kisses. I will whisper in their ears that I love them. And I will whisper in my heart how amazingly grateful I am that God is sharing them with me.