The Hollis Huddle

A gorgeous day

2011-11-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week it was absolutely gorgeous. Like shorts and tee shirts gorgeous. Windy...but gorgeous. The perfect day for kites. Praise the Lord for homeschooling freedom. We put down the books and went outside to play. We threw rocks in the creek and watched Cooper swim in the frigid water and then flew kites until they had all be sacrificed to either power lines, treetops, or trash cans. It truly was a dream afternoon. And even better....it was a Friday (my hubby's day off). This is what family is made for. You could not get the smile off my face for anything in the world.

Momma

2011-11-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

Lots has happened with my mom recently. None of which is very good. But, on the bright side, none of which is terribly related to her health. She is living at a nursing home that is about 20 minutes from our house and I am able to go see her about once a week. She is stable in her health and I really feel as though her meds are appropriate and that this facility is better equipped to serve people with her type of disease.

The issues I am having are with the nursing home. They recently had to fire an employee for being rude to my mom. They "punished" her for wetting the bed by making her change the sheets herself. While I was trembling with anger over this mistreatment, I was pleased with the managements response to the employees actions.

But then just days later I got a call saying that mom had choked and was being sent to the ER just to be sure she had not aspirated anything. I was in St. Louis for a wedding and was unable to travel to get to her. I guess that I just assumed that they would send a representative from the nursing home with her. However, I later learned that she was in an ER bed by herself...with no one. And to make matters worse the ER was so busy that they could not transfer her back to the nursing home for 8 hours after she was discharged. And as hard as I tried and as much as I kicked up a fuss, the nursing home would not send someone to get her. They kept saying, "there just isn't anyone here to go get her. it's the job of the hospital to transport her back." I was L.I.V.I.D. The thought of my mom all alone in that hospital for all those hours was heartbreaking. Now, I am glad that she is okay (she did not aspirate anything). And I am thankful that she has caregivers who want her to be healthy and are cautious with her health. But, I am not sure of the next step.

I want to let the nursing home know that I am not okay with my mom's care currently. But I am not exactly sure how to do that. I want to be direct....but, I also don't want to be mean. I still need her to stay there....I don't really know where else we would go. Please pray for us. Pray for some resolution between me and the nursing home. Pray that God will either give me incredible peace about her care or show me exactly where we should head.

And while you are praying....would you mind to ask the Lord to heal her? I want so badly for her to be whole again....and whether that is on earth or in Heaven I don't care. Wholeness....that is my dream for her.

Fall Fun

2011-11-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

We have had the most gorgeous weather lately. The kids can go outside and play almost every day still. In the midst of riding bikes one day last week we decided to rake leaves and jump on in! I grabbed my camera (I wish I would do that more often than I do).

Just look at those beautiful faces! Is there anything more precious than that...true love!

Those 3 hold my heart....they make me smile, cry, laugh, scratch my head in wonder, and count my many blessings.

Cooper

2011-11-14T20:16:00.001-08:00

Our little puppy is no so little anymore. Weighing in at over 45 pounds at just 6 months of age, he is certainly a giant. He looks Aubri in the eyes and he weighs more than each of the kids. He is a beast....but a beautiful beast. He is graceful when he runs. He is playful (especially when you have a baseball or a tug-of-war rope). And the dude thinks he is a lap dog....especially when the lap that is available is mine. Lots of people comment that he has a very "cartoonish" quality. And I would have to agree. He is a Golden Doodle (mom is a poodle and dad is a golden retriever)...or as they are more affectionately referred to, the teddy bear breed. He is simply that....a big ole teddy bear.

Halloween

2011-11-14T19:53:00.001-08:00

Well....I officially stink at updating the blog. I blame it on a few things really....

1. homeschooling

2. I am mostly online on my iPad now and I can't upload from my camera to the blog on that

3. Pinterest. That website is at the top of the list of things I am loving right now, things that are occupying my time, and things that I am totally addicted too.

I will do my best to catch up and to do better. (you can't see it, but I have my right hand held high promising to improve.) So, without further ado....here are the Halloween pictures...

The little comedian

2011-08-08T17:23:00.001-07:00

We went to eat at chili's tonight before doing some shopping at target and Nathan and I had a funny conversation. I will break it down for you:

N: hey mom, I have a really hard question for you.

Me: ok. What is it? (knowing full well that he's about to ask me something like which kid is my favorite)

N: who, in our family, has the prettiest eyes?

Me: daddy (ha! Take that!)

N: who is second?

Me: no one else even compares!

N: ok, but who's second?

Me: I don't like to answer things like that because it can make people feel bad, and I don't want people to feel bad.

(Long pause)

N: I'll take that as a Nathan.

That little stinker. He sure does keep us laughing!

Update on my momma

2011-07-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

So very much has happened in the last 2 months that it would be hard to tell everything. So instead I will give you the highlights:

Mom was taken to the hospital because of some sexually promiscuous and dangerous behavior. It turned out to be a side effect of some of her medications, but she was needing to be admitted to figure out what sort of mess would be more appropriate.

I wouldn't let her be admitted to cmh because I felt as though they were the ones who had originally jacked up her meds. The next nearest hospital with a bed in a psych unit was in Joplin. And because BoMo is just so wonderful.....I had to drive her there myself. The ambulances won't drive more than 100 miles after midnight. Yeah....we were there at 12:03 and the Joplin hospital was 101 miles away. Can you say RE.DIC.U.LOUS?

She was in Joplin for two weeks. Then, she was released. Oh wait. My bad....we have to back up. About 3 days after she was taken to the ER her nursing home called to let me know that she was not allowed to come back and I needed to come and pack up her things. I went round and round with those people....needless to say I still have a bad taste in my mouth about that.

God totally provided. He got us in contact with a home in humansville (about 20 minutes from me). They have a true dementia unit. S they aren't put off by her behavior....they know just how to deal with it.

Her behavior has leveled out, but her biggest issue now is her speech. We have narrowed down the problem. Through daily speech therapy we have discovered that the issue is a disconnect between her brain and her mouth. She has no trouble reading words off a page, but when she is trying to tell you how she feels or what she needs she can't get it out. She stutters, stammers, and her tongue literally twists up in her mouth.

But bless my sweet wonderful mother. She has always been strong....and terribly stubborn. She does not give up. She worked with her therapist and I for 20 minutes and the result.....I found out that she missed her mother. So we called my grandma and it made her day. What a joy it was for me to hear her tell me what was in her heart. And her request was all too familiar to me. I miss my mom too.

I am learning, however, that it is a joy to serve her in this way. Most daughters love their mothers, but don't know how to show them. How wonderful that I can show her each and every day just how much I love her. Prayerfully we will keep chaos free for quite sometime. And I am also praying for continued successes in the speech department. I so desperatly want to know what happening inside her.

Hard to keep up

2011-05-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's been hard to keep up with the blog here lately, but I am hoping to take some time next week to update, I should have time to make some posts while sitting on the beach...toes in the sand...diet mt. Dew in hand. It's okay....take a moment...compose yourself. I know you are jealous. Rayden and I are headed to west palm beach on Sunday to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. I am so very excited. I am nervous about leaving the kids ( we have never been on vacation without them) and I am TERRIFIED of flying ( so please pray for me...and Rayden!).

I hope to get all caught up with my posting because there is so much to tell you about...
- moms trip to the er and then the hospital in Joplin and then to a new nursing home
- my aunts death and my decision to not tell my mom
- kaleb's 7th birthday and the superhero party
- the end of the school year
- my new crafting adventure
- a difficult, yet fabulous mothers day (I am typing this post on my mothers day gift!!!)
- our homeschool curriculum purchase
- discovery toys!
- the church's big vote

So stay tuned.....you can get all informed about our lives and maybe catch some pictures of the sand and surf. Ahh....I can almost hear the waves now....if only I could skip the airport...gulp!

True love

2011-05-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Farmer Jones

2011-05-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

"Howdy ya'll and how'dya do? I'm Farmer Jones and I welcome all of you."At the Kindergarten program my baby was the star of the show. The play was about a farmer and how he grows crops, finds worms, and works hard. And Nathan James got his 15 minutes of fame when he was given the role of Farmer Jones.
The whole family came out to support our little superstar and then we had an ice cream party at our house afterwards.
He was certainly the handsomest little farmer this world has ever seen....with his boots, hat, flannel shirt, and overalls (which by the way, do you know how insanely hard it is to find overalls for kids his size? If you are 12 months old or 50 years and over it'd be no problem whatsoever. But those inbetween are hard pressed to find them.) he was as handsome as can be.
With a whopping 3 lines he stole the hearts of all in attendance. He did them perfectly!
Have you ever seen such a cute farmer in all your days? I reckon not!

time to plant

2011-04-09T20:24:00.001-07:00

We planted 25 strawberry plants in our raised bed today. It was fun, hot, and messy. But we are hoping all our work will pay off with fresh fruit and jam this summer. Yum yum!

Randomness

2011-03-16T18:09:00.001-07:00

This week we are in Dallas, Texas because my husband is taking a 5 day graduate class and I didn't want to be left behind. I figure that surely my boys can catch up from missing 5 days of school....after all, it is just kindergarten and first grade. I am fairly certain they can (and will) bounce back.

Tonight, Rayden is visiting with a friend that he made during the last class he took and I am in the hotel room monitoring 3 sleeping babies. Lots of things are floating through my mind. Want me to share? I thought you might...

---I am so amazingly proud of my husband. He is such a hard worker. He is a genius communicator. But mostly, he is a man with complete integrity. What you see is what you get. And what you will see if you really take a gander is a man who loves the Lord, studies Scripture with fervor and tenacity, changes his ways to match HIS ways....even when it's unpopular, and a man committed to his family. I am a most blessed woman.

---Tonight at dinner my friend Katie called to let me know that we were not going to get to see each other next week as we thought. It's kind of a rip off (not really "kind of" more like a "tremendously huge" rip off) She lives in Dallas but was leading a mission trip to Branson this week. We completely missed each other. Bummed as I am, I am thankful for such a sweet friend. To say it late nineties lingo, "she's the bomb diggity, yo!" I can not believe that after living together throughout the majority of our college years she still wants to be my friend. Perhaps what she really wants is to be my cohort. Either way, I'll take her. She's the best. She's held my hand as I squeezed an almost 10 pound baby out of my lady parts and she's made silent sympathetic glances at me in the emergency room waiting area as doctors evaluated my mentally ill mother. I'm doing my best not to stomp my feet and throw my fists in the air thinking about what trouble...err...fun we would have found ourselves in next week had the stars aligned in such a way that we could be together again. No use, I suppose. But, thinking about her makes me know that I am a blessed woman.

---Thinking about Katie makes me think about other darling friends who live too far away for my liking. And thinking about such precious people makes me terribly sad and embarrassed. I am embarrassed at how horrible I am at long distance correspondence. You would think that facebook would make it almost idiot-proof to keep connected over the miles. But...I am here to say that in spite of all the amazing technology the world has to offer me I am failing at letting those wonderful friends know how much I love and miss them. Karen, Lindsey, Danielle...this is lame I know.....but a Blog apology is all I got right now (the kids are sleeping and we are sharing a hotel room so I can barely type quietly enough let alone make a phone call!). I want our lives to be continually connected and I have let distance physically take precedence over emotional distance. I will work to change because I know that because of you I am a blessed woman.

---I took the kids to the zoo yesterday and we had such a blast. I am going to love the field trip aspect of homeschooling (oh yeah...did I tell you that we decided we are going to homeschool next year....probably not....I'll get to that later). We learned so much. For instance, did you know that the difference between monkeys and apes is that monkeys have tails and apes don't? Well, if you didn't before, you do now. Consider yourself blogschooled. Also, otters are super smart. They find clams and lay them on the beach. Then they sneak off and wait. The clams decide to sun themselves and when they open up....swoosh....the otter jump in and have their dinner....no effort involved. The kids loved reading the signs more than I thought they would. I am a blessed woman.

---Rayden and I have enrolled in Financial Peace University. We are in the 5th week and it's been so great. Our group is hysterical and we have so much fun together. Not to mention that Dave Ramsey is pretty much a money stud....and hilarious to boot! Anyway, as a part of this we have created our zero-balance budget and have begun to knockout our debt. Thankfully, the only debt we have is our van and a medical bill or two (not counting our Memphis house). On the way to Dallas we were discussing our goals and we considered that we have 17 payments left on our van (boo!) but our "gazelle intense" goal (if you know anything about Dave Ramsey you will understand that term) is to pay it off by 2012! In just 9 short months we will know we can set and reach big goals. And for this I am a blessed woman.

---I love being away with my family. There are no other 4 people that I would rather be with. But, I also love being HOME with my family. And what is so fun to me is that God is reshaping my idea of home. Forever I have considered St. Louis my home. Living there from 6th grade through highschool and then again when I got married. All the way up through becoming a parent 2 times St. Louis was home. But now....home looks different. Home is much smaller. It has a beautiful square in the center that looks gorgeous lit up in Christmas lights. It has one main road that is so terribly frustrating to turn on to in the middle of the day. Home has grandparents that adore my kids and help us raise them to know and love the Lord. Home has an amazing church that is striving to honor God in EVERY way. Home has the most amazing friends that I never expected. Bolivar has made me a blessed woman.

Perhaps you have noticed a theme. As I end this I will snuggle down into a warm cozy bed, wrap myself in a big white comforter, sigh a contented sigh, close my eyes, and thank Jesus for the life He has given me. I am indeed a blessed woman. How are you feeling tonight?

babysitting

2011-03-05T20:04:00.001-08:00

Every Monday through Wednesday we have an extra friend around our house. We have the privilege of keeping our friend's baby, mason. Aubri and I are having so much fun with him! She is such a sweet helper with him. And I have been pleasantly surprised that I have not caught baby fever. In fact, God has used this to confirm in me that our family is complete.

Ummm....excuse me mommy...

2011-03-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

We are all playing, working, reading, in the living room the other day when Aubri says, "ummm...excuse me mommy. I put one of those beads up my nose." And sure enough that little stinker stuck a perler bead up her nose. Luckily, it wasn't very far up there and it is a hollow bead. We were able to get it out with a pair of tweezers. This girl sure keeps us on our toes!

Happy Birthday Dr. Suess

2011-03-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

March 2nd was Dr. Suess's birthday and the kids were supposed to dress up like a character from any of the many Dr. Suess books. Of course, I didn't remember this until about 8pm the night before as I was tucking the boys into bed and Kaleb said, "I can't wait to see my Wocket costume tomorrow". Oops....better get to work. it's a good thing I had a pretty good stash of scrap fabric.

We started the morning with what else but....Green eggs and ham! Nathan claimed that he didn't like the eggs...even after we explained that they were just regular eggs with green coloring on them. I guess our mind really can trick us sometimes.

Nathan was the Grinch....with a shirt showing that his heart was two sizes to small and a santa outfit. It really worked to my advantage that the santa suit the grinch makes is really raggedy. Because amazing seamstress I am not. But I think I did alright converting this clearance target fleece throw into a santa jacket.
Kaleb wanted to be the kid from "there's a wocket in my pocket". I took a tshirt of mine and altered it to fit a 6 year old. Then I took the extra fabric and made a pocket for the wocket stuffed animal that Grammy got him for Christmas.
The wocket was a big hit at school. kaleb said that he even earned two lassos (making good choices bracelets at the kid's school) for helping out his teacher and staying quiet all day. he thought that was awesome!

A birthday party...lego style

2011-03-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

If a lego party is what you want, then a lego arty is what you get. We started out with some simple decorations made from what else but....Legos! A number 6 and a picture frame displaying some of my favorite shots of him from this year (courtesy of the best photographer I know....Mrs. Danielle Tripp!) I also did my best to make a Lego cake (It's a regular rectangle cake made from a 9 by 13 pan and then I put 6 mini cupcakes upside down on top and iced it. I used an upside down cookie sheet covered in foil for the base of my culinary masterpiece!

We played a building game to see which team of three could build the largest tower in 2 minutes. We sorta let the little girls cheat by using the giant blocks instead of legos.
We also had a spoon relay. But instead of eggs they carried Legos.
I bought a lego ice cube tray off of Amazon (for free using gift cards I earned through swagbucks) and melted some of our old crayons in them to create lego crayons. There is a big difference in using cheap crayons and Crayola. The cheap ones separate into plain wax and colored wax.....it was weird. If you ever plan to do this go for the Crayolas....you will not regret it.
We ate lunch. We served little rectangle and square sandwiches, chips, grapes, and juice.
We built many, many creations.
We played carpet ball. (it's kind of like tabletop shuffleboard only with pool balls.
Foosball anyone?
It's cake time. You can see I also used my ice cube tray to make multicolored chocolate legos....they were the hit of the party I think!
Make a wish...
Open your presents....more legos than even one 6 year old boy could dream of...
And be sure to tell everyone thank you!

In the blink of an eye

2011-03-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

6 years has gone by so very quickly...

Holy cow...I was H.U.G.E. and I don't look so totally comfortable. Maybe it's because of the giant manchild living in my womb.

And here he is....all 9lbs 9oz of him. He looked like a two month old next to all the other newborns in the nursery. But he was the handsomest little (big) baby in all the world.
That smile can turn my day right around.
What a little lovey...I miss smooching those little fat rolls.
Time has gone quickly....and I wish that I wouldn't have wished so many moments away because of my lack of patience or my tendency toward worry or irritability. But, as I look back I will cherish every memory and every photo. And as I watch him today I will be grateful for the little man he is becoming and will pray to God that He will make me more patient, gentle, and nurturing so that I can enjoy every second I have with this precious fellow.

Birthday boy!

2011-03-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

February 22 is always celebrated all over the country. Most people celebrate it as George Washington's birthday. And they usually celebrate with a day off of work or school. Around these parts, however, we celebrate for a much different reason. We celebrate because it's the day we met Nathan. One of the greatest gifts we have ever been given in this life. It is so very hard to believe that he is 6 years old.

We took brownies to school to kick off the celebration.

We even took Kaleb out of his class to join in the fun.

What we did over winter "vacation"

2011-03-04T17:49:00.001-08:00

If you patrolled facebook during the monster snow storm you would find tons and tons of moms sharing their stir crazy stories of rambunctious kids who need to burn off steam. Some were even begging for the schools to reopen. That was NOT the tune we sang in this home. While we were, at times, stir crazy and full of energy that was difficult to expel, we had the best little mini vacation. Of course I am sure it helped that Rayden got to stay home with us. But, I think I caught a glimpse of what homeschooling can be....and it delighted me. We did so much together.

We built castles out of tinker toys and protected them with lego men...
We learned how to measure things using the measuring tapes they give out at Ikea (I may or may not have taken about 50 of those the last time I was in Dallas to use for such a time as this)...
We watched our St. Bernard....oops...I mean our little cockapoo play in the snow. She was in heaven out there...
We (unsolicited) built a replica of Moses and the Burning Bush out of Legos. Warms a mother's heart...
We painted sun catchers (how blessed we were that I had just gone to Michaels the day before the snow hit to buy a few Valentine's treats...we made good use out of those for sure)...
We colored...and colored....and colored...
We learned how to do two digit math....very quickly I might add....I have some very bright boys (if I do say so myself....which I do...in case you were wondering...and I know you were!)...
We colored and constructed 3D models...
We played games.....war, battleship, Guess Who. You name it, we played it...
What's this you ask? Why, that is an empty hamper. In fact, my house had 3 empty hampers all week long. Holla! Can I get an amen?! Now, don't ask to look in my hamper today....that's a different story altogether...
We actually worked together without fighting several times. If that isn't a miracle of God, I just don't know what is!

Snowpocalypse 2001

2011-03-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, right? Here are some of the pictures from the great snow storms we experienced in Bolivar. We had about 20 or so inches. It was awesome! We loved every second of it.
Kaleb kept saying, "this is the most snow I have ever seen in my whole entire life" I had to agree with him. This certainly takes the cake in my history as well.
Some friends snuck over and buried Rayden's car. We caught them about half way through when we noticed what we thought was a critter of some sort slinking across our yard. It was actually the son of one of those friends who were so lovingly stranding us in our home. I have to admit, I was slightly jealous that we didn't think of it first. It was an awesome prank so we let them finish.

Mental Wrestling

2011-02-04T13:38:00.001-08:00

There is something that has been on my mind lately. I've been thinking about homeschooling my kids. Now to some this might not be a big deal, but for me this is HUGE. And the reason why is because I have always been so very much against it. I have known enough teenagers that seemed "weird" and they were home schooled. AND we are in a school district we LOVE! AND I kinda love having some time to myself. AND the list goes on and on.

BUT...

I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about what God's design for our family might be. I can't stop wondering if God would want me to leave the education of my children in the hands of almost strangers. I can't stop thinking that if I was so against it before, but now I am falling in love with the idea.....is God trying to tell me something? Is He trying to get my attention? Would I really have such a HUGE change of heart if it wasn't God's doing?

I'm not really sure about all these things. And that is why I am wrestling. I am talking to people who homeschool. I am talking to people whose kids I admire and who also go to public school. I am reading books, searching blogs, and PRAYING. This would be a huge undertaking. This would totally change our lives. But I can't help but think, at this point, that it would make it better.

I have been so intrigued by several of the statements I have read as I have researched homeschooling. Here are a few of the ones that have been the most striking to me:

"Worst-case scenario: Our children don't understand physics, calculus, of Shakespeare or speak French as we would like them to by the time they leave home. What has been lost? Nothing of eternal value-nothing that can't be picked up later. But what if we don't ardently pursue the cultivation of their relationship with the Lord, what has been sacrificed? An opportunity we as parents will never have again."

"At age eight, Gabe became fascinated with flight. I didn't say, "well, be patient there, buddy; in fifth grade your science text will cover the physics of flight." No, we capitalized on the opportunity to study something when he was motivated to learn about it."

"Now let me ask you this: Where did you learn to appropriate social behavior? School? Where did you learn to appreciate folks who dress differently, act differently, think differently? School? Where did you learn proper etiquette? The high school cafeteria? Get the point?"

(all of these quotes are from "The ultimate guide to homeschooling" by Debra Bell)

We haven't made our final decision yet, but right now we are leaning toward homeschooling next year. Please pray for us as we pray about this huge decision.

Snowmaggedon 2011

2011-02-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Bolivar has been hit by the BIG one! We have had 23 inches of snow fall this last week. It has been an absolute blast. And to think I was worried that we wouldn't get snow this year now that we finally live in an area that could potentially get more snow than Memphis! HA! Boy was I wrong! We have been out of school for 4 days now and we are expecting more snow this weekend. What fun!

Friends "snuck over" and buried Rayden's car in the snow. We caught them half way through....let them finish....and then played outside with them the rest of the afternoon.
See that giant lump of snow.....that's our Mazda!

So much snow! God's creation is so very majestic!
After we were sufficiently frozen we came inside and had hot chocolate. We made spaghetti and grilled cheese sandwiches and hung out with sweet friends. Yes, that's right....we fed the very same people who only hours before heaved shovel loads of snow all over our car trapping it for days.

I just had to take a picture of Heather when they were getting ready to leave that night. She just looked so stinkin cute with her jammie pants tucked into her cowboy boots with a garbage bag full of snow clothes! What fun!

Science fair

2011-02-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

BPS had their first ever science fair this year. Both of our boys chose projects (with a little guidance from mom and dad....otherwise we would have had two baking soda/vinegar volcanoes to build). Nathan chose to create different shaped bubble wands and see what shape of bubbles they produced. He learned about what a hypothesis was and also that ALL bubbles are circular (at least the ones we made were).

Kaleb opted for a research based project. He learned all about Saturn. We checked out books from the library and searched the web to find our information. We made a chart comparing Earth and Saturn, and Kaleb wrote a short story about an astronaut and his space travels to go along with his project.
We learned a lot from doing these projects. We not only learned about science, but we also learned about creating something that you are proud of....which I think is equally as, if not more, important as the book stuff.

After completing our projects we went to Science Night at the school to find them on display. We also got to take part in lots of science activities. It was jam packed with people....but we were still able to take our turn at things. We looked through microscopes. (Aubri couldn't close one eye so she covered it with her hand....so cute....and what a problem solver!)

We examined dead frog guts and other creepy crawlies. It was pretty cool....and yucky...all mixed together.
We also got to see animal skins, see a disected cow's eye, look at Jupiter through a telescope, and learn about germs and plaque. I had never thought about it before, but most science is pretty disgusting....perfect for little boys!

my karate kids

2011-02-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

For Christmas this year we talked to grammy and grandad about getting the boys tae kwon do lessons. First of all we were trying to limit the amount of clutter coming into our home, but also we knew that they would really love this idea. They have begged for karate lessons for quite some time now.

The boys LOVE it. I am not totally head over heels with their instructor. I feel like they don't get a whole 30 minutes of work in because their is only 1 instructor and 7 kids. But, we're going try it a couple months and see how it goes. They couldn't be more thrilled....and that is really all that matters to me at this level int he game.

Texas....here we come!

2011-02-04T11:57:00.000-08:00

The day after Christmas we piled in the car and headed straight for Dallas, Texas. Rayden was taking an intensive 5 day master's class and we decided we would all go and enjoy the adventure. Any chance I get to see the Hayes family I take...immediately! We spent time swimming in the hotel pool, watching movies, "going Bonkers", and enjoying a day at the site of the Texas state fair. There is a really cool aquarium there that allowed for a few hours of fun.

these albino alligators were the boys favorite. The alligators would follow their hands as they waved them around.
Isn't she a little angel?
Here we are touching a baby shark...
This shark was unreal....it kept moving in the water like a dolphin at Sea World.
Oh no! This giant octopus ate my boys!

It was an almost perfect day (rayden had to be in class so it falls into an "almost" perfect category because we were lacking his presence....had he been with us it would have been the best ever!)

a homemade Christmas

2011-02-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

Right around the beginning of December Rayden was doing research for an upcoming message when he happened upon a statistic that (I forget the specific numbers) said that Americans spend more on Christmas than it would cost to provide clean drinking water for the entire world for a year. I was blown away! And conviction began to grow in my heart. So, this year we spent a lot less on Christmas so that we could give more to those in need. And one of the ways we accomplished that was by giving practical and homemade gifts. I made each kids a pair of pajamas from fabric that I already had in my stash. I also used extra scrap fabric to create I-spy bags. We also bought a ton of wood and got to work creating Aubri's big girl bed. And not just any big girl bed....a playhouse bed. We used plans we found on www.Ana-white.com. We were so so so happy with how it turned out. I even sewed little curtains for the playhouse window and Aubri's bedroom window from fabric I had bought ages ago.

Here's the view looking in to the door:
She's got her kitchen inside along with a shelf we made and hung.
I also spent the month of December hand stitching felt food for her kitchen. It is seriously about the cutest stuff I've ever seen. I am in love with it....perhaps teetering on obsession actually. I will be continuing to make more and more I am sure.

And we had enough would left over to do some stuff in the boys room. What better for these Wii-maniacs than a mario and luigi room. I dreamed up the idea, Rayden made it come to life, and I filled it in with color. We built shelf/boxes that open up to hide all kinds of secret treasures. We also used an overhead projector to trace all the characters from the game. The boys went C.R.A.Z.Y. when they saw it.
See how they open?

Bolivar Christmas parade

2011-01-10T06:54:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, December 11th Rayden set off to referee a wrestling tournament. The rest of us stayed at home and waited patiently until 2:00. Why 2:00 you ask? Because that was when the Bolivar Christmas Parade started. We bundled up and grabbed almost every blanket we own and marched up to the church parking lot. We waited....and waited....and waited for the parade to start. It was late getting off and in all the waiting Kaleb decided that the parade wasn"t worth freezing for so he walked back down to the house and watched a movie. And I must say that after seeing the parade in its entirety I wished I would have joined Kaleb. It was disappointing, to say the least. Most of the floats consisted of pickup trucks pulling flatbed trailers full of bales of hay and freezing kids throwing candy. But, we had fun....and we got lots of candy to show for it. And next year we'll be sure there is at least one awesome float in the parade....SHBC plans to enter one next year!

Advent activities

2011-01-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

Our advent calendar...ahem...our homemade advent calendar (thank you very much!) had an activity every day in the month of December. One day the kids came home from school to find a crafty scavenger awaiting them. I starting by writing clues and cutting out all the pieces needed to make a beautiful work of art.

Then I hid the pieces one by one according to the clues. One was in the coldest place in the house...
Another could be found where you might go to watch a movie....

And others made friends with the soap and shampoo...

And once they found all the pieces, they went to work.
(random rabbit trail here....but it's my blog, so you'll just have to deal with it....is my husband a total hottie or what?! Man, I am a blessed woman!)
And together we do make some beautiful babies....if I do say so myself (which I do).

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2011-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving

2011-01-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

We spent Thanksgiving with Rayden's family in Branson. We scoured the Black Friday ads looking for the perfect deals. We ate a whole lot of delicious food. And we greatly enjoyed each other's company.

At midnight Tommy, Deanna, Rayden, and I were at Walmart (with everyone else in that region) waiting for the awesome sales to begin. I was shocked that Rayden joined us this year. I ask year after year if he'd like the brave the crowds with me, but his response is normally something like this..."I would rather gouge my own eyeballs out than do that." But this year the stars aligned just right I suppose and he joined us. I scored a Cricut machine, Rayden waited in line for a wii game that we gifted to Tommy for Christmas. And Tommy and Deanna scored some pretty sweet remote controlled cars. After a bit of browsing through Tanger outlets we were home and tucked into bed by 1:30am.

What did Aubri think of the experience? Well, I'm not sure they want her review!

Later that Friday we went for lunch and a show on the Branson Belle. My kids have been on this particular "lake cruise" with their grandparents before, but this was my first time. And let me add that this will have been my only time. It's not that the food wasn't good....it actually was fairly tasty. And although the entertainment was a bit cheesy, I did laugh quite a bit. My vowing to never set foot on the Branson Belle again has everything to do with a cruise they took only a week or so later. This boat took off for their afternoon cruise and got stuck....with no electricity....in the middle of the lake for over 24 hours. There are stories of the patrons ripping the curtains off the stage to wrap up in due to the frigid cold. Let me make myself very clear. I will N E V E R go on that boat again. Just thinking about how I would have reacted to that situation causes me to search for the nearest paper bag....or Xanax.

The weekend was fun, but over way too soon. Before we knew it we were headed back to Bolivar. At least we had some fun waiting for us....it was time to decorate for Christmas!

Hilarity!

2010-11-22T06:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Aubri was putting on her shoes before church and was having a little bit of difficulty getting the buckle done. She looked up at me with doe eyes and said simply, "Mama, sometimes it's tricky being a big girl, right?" I smiled back at her....my mind flashing forward to all that this precious angel may see and experience in her lifetime....and said, "baby, you just don't even know how true that statement is."

the Suessical

2010-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

First off, tell me this. have you ever seen anything cuter than this?I pulled up to the car line at school on a sunny Monday afternoon (after another hugely successful shopping trip in Springfield). My intention was to pick up my babies, take them home, feed them a snack, help them with their homework, feed them dinner, care for my hubby (who had a horrible cold), and get Kaleb ready for his first grade program and get him to the school by 6:30. No small feat for sure.

And only milliseconds after my kids got in the car I get an announcement from the eldest child of the Hollis brood. Even before I hear the click of his seat belt he declares that he needs a red tie for the program.
Let me clarify. He did not need a red tie. He wanted one. He DESPERATELY wanted one. I mean, he acted as if his next breath was literally dependent on me coming through with a red tie.
Being the supermom that I am I decided to grant my sweet son's wish. I had about 2 hours and only one store (walmart) to find one. I was pretty sure that walmart would be a huge disappointment so I instead searched through the scraps in my fabric basket.
I found some red and white striped fabric and googled "child's tie tutorial."
I quickly learned that you actually need quite a bit of fabric to make a necktie. And I only had a scrap. I then googled how to make a bow tie. After receiving approval from my boy I set to work. It was surprisingly easy. And Kaleb was utterly thrilled! When I was fixing his hair he asked me if I thought he would be the most handsome boy on stage. I said, "baby, I don't think....I know." he smiled and off we went.
It was a wonderful program. They sang and danced so wonderfully. Kaleb participated just as he was supposed to...no break dancing....wandering around...or other unexplained weirdness. He even remembered the line he was assigned. Yes, he said it very rapidly and it was difficult to understand, but he was wonderful nonetheless. I could not have been more proud. Oh, and I was right by the way.....he certainly was the most handsome one on stage.

the one in which I make you jealous

2010-11-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

Last night was girls' night out. And not just any girls' night out...but my favorite kind of girls' night out. Shopping. And not just any kind of shopping...but deal-spotting, coupon-clipping, saving-more-than-you-spend shopping. And not just...okay....never mind...I am sure you get it by now. Let me just give you a brief rundown of my loot.

Target: (oh how I love thee....and miss thee.....please Lord, bring a Target to Bolivar)

5 Holiday candles

2 renuzit cones

Glad trash bags

2 puddings

3 TGIFriday Skillet meals

Cottonelle TP

Cottonelle flushable wipes

2 Wheat Thins Stix

1 Wheat thins

1 Chickin in a Bisket Crackers (a total fave of mine from childhood)

a child sized afro wig (hey...it was $2 on clearance and don't lie...Kaleb will look awesome in it!)

a pair of black dress pants for Kaleb

country crock butter

2 oscar meyer lunchmeats

3 chicken noodle soups

3 boxes dryer sheets

3 feminine products (I will spare you the details!!!)

lightbulbs

2 paperjam guitars (the boys are getting them for Christmas...shh...don't tell!)

Simply Lemonade

2 Market Pantry apple juices

3 Reach floss

2 travel sized Tide detergents

My total before coupons: $160

My total after coupons: $91 and $20 target gift card

Dillons: (my love affair with you grows stronger with each passing day!)

10 Carnation evaporated milk

8 Propel fitness water

6 Honest Tea

Nestle break and bake cookies (seems wrong to put that right under the ORGANIC tea!)

Danimals yogurt

Activia yogurt

3 24-count advil

Ronzoni pasta

8 Annies Maccaroni and cheese

6 Chunky Campbells soups

strawberries

pomegranate

wheat bread

2 shoulder roasts

rotisserie chicken

2 hot pocket side shots

4 Green Giant steemer veggies

Heinz ketchup

joint juice

Idahoan instant potatoes

pepsi max

twix (to treat myself for such awesome savings on the drive home!)

My total before coupons: $74

My total after coupons: $31

Now go ahead and pick your jaw up off the floor and head on over to www.hip2save.com or www.frugalfritzie.com to learn how to do it for yourself. It's so much fun!

2010-11-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

Even the girliest girl has raw and unfiltered moments. And I feel blessed to have witnessed one of those moments.

The other morning Aubri crawled in bed with me to cuddle while Rayden was taking the boys to school. When he got home he came back to our room and started trying to make Aubri laugh by pretending to sleep and snore really loudly. She would giggle hysterically and then give him a kiss to "wake him up." It was very humorous to watch. Then....the hilarious factor went through the roof. After another kiss for her daddy and some more giggles she paused and called out...."when I was laughing a tooter sneaked out." I could not be more in love with that sweet little lady.

One step closer...

2010-11-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

One day this last week I was thinking about the mom that I once thought I would be. When I was a little girl I wanted two things....to be a teacher and to be a mommy. I wanted to be the king of mom who went on every field trip, who planned fun outings, had creative parties, and in general just made life magical. I was feeling very "below average" in the mom department. Now this isn't the first time I have felt...well, lets just say "less than adequate" as a mother. When those feelings crop up in me I normally get kinda pouty and my insecurity renders me immobile. But, this time I stood myself up straight and decided to usher a bit of magic into my family's afternoon. So, while Aubri was asleep and the boys were at school I went to work. When the boys got home from school they found this...

and as they swung open the front door....
smiles spread across their faces as they saw the living room....
and the dining room....
and then they followed the web of string into the kitchen...
until they found the end...
what a great, not to mention magical, way to discover your afternoon snack.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

We had a great Halloween night. We ate dinner....got all dressed up....went trick-or-treating at my mom's residential care facility....stopped by the Kirksey's house to play....went home and went to bed. After the kiddos were tucked in all snug as a bug I headed over to Woody-Gott (a dorm on SBU's campus) to judge their Halloween costume contest. It was a lot of fun. It made me feel really old. I mean, it feels like a heartbeat ago that I was that carefree college gal frolicking in the dorm lobby and making googly eyes at all sorts of potential "Mr. Rights." But alas, it was over 10 years ago. Time most certainly flies. One day you are sitting in your dorm room stressing over term papers and girlie drama....and the next you are behind the lens photographing the most beautiful four people you have ever laid eyes on...

a spooktacular event

2010-10-30T08:56:00.002-07:00

we decided to have a Halloween party this year. It just made sense....we love dressing up, we love being creative with food and decorations, and we love hanging out with friends. So....the first annual Hollis Spooktacular Halloween party was born. It was loads of fun.

Rayden and I dressed up as the Flinstones. Nathan was Luigi and Aubri was a cheerleader. Kaleb started the evening in a spectacular....er....should I say Spooktacular....homemade robot costume, but it was a bit cumbersome so he switched to a pumpkin costume my grandma gave us. oh yeah....and he wasn't crazy about having his picture taken.

The Bass family came in Star Wars garb.
Ted and Shana were Salt and Pepper. Scarlett was a butterfly, Soren was a duck, and Jocelyn was a sweet little bear.
Bob Ross came and painted a lovely "happy little tree."
Alan and Mary were there too....Jarrett and Heather had the most creative (and hysterical) costume of the night! And there little man Gavin was a knight in shining armor.
The Jenkins family.....and even Dallas wore a costume. I guess my threat of making him stay out on the porch if he didn't dress up worked.
Kevin and Danielle came as Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Super cute!
We had so much fun and decided that we need to do more theme parties all throughout the year. The next one on the list will be a murder mystery party set in the 1950's. We can't wait. After that I intend to search www.oneprettything.com for more theme ideas (thanks Katie, you have me completely addicted to that website). Family fun at it's finest!

my "job"

2010-10-30T08:56:00.001-07:00

Being a stay at home mom is simply fabulous! I am so blessed that we are able to sustain our family on just Rayden's income. All the sacrifices we have made financially are SO very worth it. Last week was proof to me that I have the best job in the world.....simply being "mom." And not just "mom" but I have upped the anty and changed my status to "very involved mom of elementary school kids." I chaperoned my very first field trip last week. Nathan and I went with the entire kindergarten to the Fieth Family Pumpkin patch. There was LOTS to do...

we went to a corn maze.....actually we got lost in a corn maze....then stumbled upon the exit
we had a picnic lunch
we played in a box of corn kernels
we took pictures
we took a barrel train ride
we swung on a giant tree swing
we took even more pictures
we picked pumpkins
We had an absolute blast!

honest prayers

2010-10-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

I love to listen to my kids pray. Aubri thanks God for everything that is currently in her line of sight. Kaleb rarely offers to pray, but when he does it is sweet and raw and wonderful. Nathan is the one in our family who prays with the most vigor....the most passion....the most like a charismatic evangelist. I can just visualize him standing on a stage with his arms raised, eyes closed, pacing back and forth..."and LAWD... we praise ya today LAWD Jesus." Here are some sweet....and brutally honest....prayers my kids have prayed recently.

Kaleb (on the night he became a Christian) "Dear Jesus. Please forgive me for my sins. Please don't let my mommy and daddy yell at me ever again. And please come live in my heart. Amen."

Nathan (tonight before bed) "Dear God. I love you Lord. Please help Kaleb and I have fun at PE. I love PE. And I love my mommy and all the people in the world except the strangers. I love you Lord. Amen."

Faith like a child. Isn't it grand?

A convicting message

2010-10-05T18:03:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of this guy Francis Chan? He's written this book called "Crazy Love" and he has also been a speaker at the Passion conferences in years past. Well...I don't know who this guy thinks he is (wink wink) but I, for one, don't like him. He had the nerve....no....the audacity to preach a horribly convicting message about knowing God's will. (in case you can't tell I am bathing that entire last sentence in sarcasm....I am actually amazingly grateful for his message).

He started talking about how he had spent time alone with God to study the book of Colossians. He read that Paul was an apostle because of God's "will". He talked about how God's "will" is His "desire." Paul was an apostle because God wanted him to be. Francis (I like to pretend that he and I are on a first name basis) then reads the 9th verse of the first book of Colossians.

"For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding"

That you would have a knowledge of His desire for you. Paul had been asking God to give this church the understanding of what God wanted them to do....and to be. He never stopped praying that this church would be able to know what God wants.

Francis (you know....my good buddy) then poses a question. A slap-you-in-the-face kinda question. An ouch-that kinda hurt question. He says this...

Do you really even want to know God's will?

I mean, duh, of course you would answer yes, right? But he goes on to ask things like: Would you really want to know what God in heaven would do with your body if he had complete control over it....to send it wherever he wanted it to, to make it say whatever he wanted it to say? Would you really want to know his desire regarding what time he wants you to wake up in the morning? Or is there a side of you that doesn't want to know....that just wants to "do this thing" and sprinkle in a little bit of God and do some good stuff for Him and love people when it's convenient?

I had to admit to myself as I listened to this message that there was a small part of me that related to what he was saying. I've got a pretty good system worked out in my family....it's not perfect, but we're making it. We've got routine, we've got organization, we've got patterns. But, as I listened to my sweet, dear, friend shoot daggers my way from the book of Truth, and as I thought about the stories of believers in the New Testament, I began to wonder if routine....structure....and pattern is perhaps a safe...and even ungodly......way to live. Now I am not knocking routine in it's entirety....I am just beginning to think that God must hold the authority in my life to throw ANY routine, ANY pattern, ANY habit, ANY meting, ANYTHING out the window (even run it over with a car and smash it to smithereenes if he wants).

I have come to the conclusion that my life if too safe. I mean, really, what great and challenging thing am I engaged in for the Kingdom's sake. Am I completely engaged in training my kids in how to recognize God's voice? Am I willing to open up my home even when it's not all the way clean? Am I too embarrassed or nervous to approach that stranger in Walmart to ask them if they know my Jesus? If I were to be brutally honest with myself (and you....since I am blogging about this) I would have to say no....not always.

I don't want to get to the end of my life and say, "well.....I made it." I want to get to the pearly gates huffing and puffing.....hair all wind whipped......teary eyed.....hands on my knees cause I can't catch my breath saying "whoa....what a ride!"

Unfortunately I am nowhere close to that life today. But, the good news for me (and for you if you are finding yourself in the same boat) is that His mercies are new every morning. No more facebook statuses that read: "in a funk today" or "back to the daily grind." I wanna write: "you will never guess the encounter I had with the Lord today!" or "Guess what God did?" Or better still, I want to be so engaged that I don't have time to update a status at all.

Friends, it is time for me to begin living. And I hope it isn't too presumptuous of me to say that I think it's time for you to do the same. Let's find out what the desire of our God is....and then lets strap in for the adventure of a lifetime!

on a total side note....you should find this message (I think it's on Itunes) and give it a listen. Mr. Chan is much better at this than I am. It was from the Passion '07 conference. You will NOT be sorry you tuned in.

we're still here

2010-10-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

It's officially been over 2 months since I last blogged. Were you worried about us? Probably not. I didn't think so. Most of you know that we've just been crazy busy...and if I must admit it, I have been a bit lazy in my free time. I'll give you a quick run down of what's been going on and then I'll take more time later to give more details on each occurrence (including pictures....that's what we all really like best, right?!?)

---I sent both my boys to school this year. (hard swallow). They have done great. Nathan teared up the first two days (and if truth be told, so did I). No surprise, Nathan is the start student....earning the most "lassos" (rewards for good behavior) in his class so far. And Kaleb has done extremely well....his behavior and ability to focus is greatly improved. And they are both turning into fabulous readers.

---I turned 30. I don't really want to talk about it. Well....maybe I will...just later.

---Aubri turned 3. Everyone says that time flies faster with each passing year. I just want to state for the record that I think that royally stinks. I personally love the time we are in right now and I hate how quickly the moments are flying away. If you don't mind I think I will just live in a fantasy land where I can pretend that my kids will forever remain little and cuddly. Please don't burst my bubble...it's a fantastic bubble, if I do say so myself.

---We went to Six Flags with the Whaley family in early September. There is just no way to describe to you how much I miss these people. I tell you what....Bolivar is one of my favorite places I've ever lived (second to Wentzville) but if the Whaleys, Hayes, Hollands, and Lees would just move their little hineys here Bolivar would jump into the lead for sure. I guess I'll just need to increase the prayer power a bit.

---Church has been.....well.....interesting. I don't want to say much more than that because I know some things need to remain private and there will be many who read this (that may be an exaggeration since I am pretty sure there are all of 5 of you out there in cyberland who read this) who would know too much if I wrote it all. Let's just boil it down to this....Rayden has begun to talk about what the Bible says about Church government. And saying that it has caused an uproar would be an understatement. The good news is that there are people all over the country praying for God to spiritually, emotionally, and physically protect us....and God has done just that. And we stand strong knowing that the Truth always wins! (on a side note....we are now running about 250 in services....that's up 100 since we got here!)

---My mom got pregnant. HA! Did I get your attention? Just kidding.....sort of. My mom has become delusional again. She now thinks she is pregnant. Which, fyi, is a medically impossibility due to a little thing we call a hysterectomy. (sorry if I seem flippant about it....I most certainly am not....it's just the sort of thing where if you don't laugh about it you're sure to cry). We're increasing her medication and crossing our fingers until February (when her medicare finally kicks in)

---I have started running. Hey....stop laughing....that's not very nice. I was kidding about my mom, but this is for real. After you pick your jaw up off the floor (don't be embarrassed, mine still drops each night when I finish) I will tell you the shocking story. My friend Rhianna (a sweet messenger from the Lord to me) came over one day a while back. She said that the Lord was prompting her to stop by and let me know she was praying for me. It was right when I needed some encouragement. Rhianna.....if you are one of the 5 people reading this =) I want you to know how immensely grateful I am that you came over that day. It was a game-changer for me....it helped me to LOVE it here and it was a reminder to me from the Lord that He had already paved our way here and that He would give us wonderfully godly people to journey with us. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord....it made a difference in my life. Anyway....tangent over. While she was here she told me about this thing called "couch to 5K" I worked hard at forgetting I had ever heard about it for about 5 weeks. But, after receiving a second report of borderline cholesterol I decided that it was time to work harder at honoring God with my body. I went out the first time and it requires you to jog for 60 seconds and then walk for 90. You do that cycle 9 times. To be honest...I wasn't sure I was gonna make it (I have NEVER run a mile without stopping in my ENTIRE life). But, I have surprised myself. I have stuck with it. I have not quit. I have not cheated. I am done with the first 2 weeks. I WILL finish this.

---Rayden has started refereeing football. Each Monday night he refs a JV football game in the Springfield/Bolivar area. We are looking forward to paying off our van early and/or funding Christmas with some of that extra money.

---I have started volunteering at the Alpha House (a crisis pregnancy center here in town). It's so amazing. I am mentoring 3 women and I am loving every second of it. And I oddly feel more connected to my mom when I am there. She was so passionate about life/pregnancy/centers against abortion and she spent countless hours volunteering her time at places similar to this. I know that she would be proud.

---Kaleb asked Jesus into his heart! This is clearly the most exciting news of all. I will write the whole story later, but let's just say that it was one of the greatest joys of my life to hear his sweet words to his Savior and see the smile on his face when he heard me tell him that now he was a Christian. It was A-stinkin-MAZING!

well...consider yourself updated. I am sure I forgot things. I'll keep catching up. And I promise to do better and never get this behind again (you can't see it, but I am raising my right hand and looking very serious). I hope you all are well too (all 5 of you!!) Please let me know who you are...I would love to know who I am connected to. Love all of you!

What have you been up to this week?

2010-07-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

This week has been an unusual one. Rayden went to Falls Creek with the youth group from our church AND his parents were gone on their 40th wedding anniversary trip to Boston. So, me and the kids were home alone this week. I intended to get all sorts of house projects done....and....well....that just didn't happen. Here's what happened instead...

-the boys fought
-Nathan messed with a piece of metal sticking out of our house causing our crawl space to flood about a foot deep which required us to lose water for a day and hire a plumber to come out and fix it on a holiday (more on this is a separate post)
-Aubri whined
-Kaleb played in his last baseball game (which was delayed 40 minutes because of thunder)...he lost....resulting in devastation of a 6 year old who didn't win the "world series"
- Tilly peed and pooped all over the house
-it rained....nay....poured over and over again (hence Tilly peeing and pooping IN the house because she refused to go out in the rain)
-we drove to Rolla to have lunch with my dad and brother and then brought my brother back to spent the week with us
-the boys fought
-we went to Bass Pro and had Moon pies and looked at fish, turtles, and alligators
-we ate at Nakato (I deserved a treat I think)
-we went to CVS to try and get free Sobe Lifewaters, but they were sold out...boo!
-the boys acted like little crazy people
-we played the best game of hide and go seek....the prize went to Aubri for hiding in the dryer
-we went to Play4Fun....best 13 dollars I spent all week....the kids bounced and ran and sweated for 2 hours....praise the Lord for a great naptime that day
-we missed Rayden like CRAZY!
-I worked on a secret project....I'll tell you all about it later
-Jake and I put together two puzzles (one was 300 pieces and one was 1000 pieces)
-I worked on cleaning out the garage (my goal was to finish, but I am no where near that)
-we took 3 boxes of stuff to good will
-Aubri threw fits
-the boys fought
-we took sonic ice cream to my mom and watched a music performance with her at her assisted living facility
-the kids played in mud with Tilly....resulting in the dogs first bath (oh...I should not fail to mention that they did this about 10 minutes before we were to leave for Rolla)
-we wished the week would go by faster so that daddy would come home
-we went to the library
-I finished reading "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey
-and did I mention that the boys fought?

It was a full week....and it's almost over. Praise the Lord! Rayden is on his way home now from camp. T minus 5 hours and counting. Oh how I love that man. Oh how I need him to hurry home....I'm not sure how much longer I can make it!

Memphis visitors

2010-06-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

We were so blessed to have our friends, the Hollands, come and visit us for Father's Day weekend. We packed in as much fun as possible while we were together. After a hearty breakfast on Friday we headed over to the Silo Ridge swimming pool for some fun in the sun.

Then, after a nap for my kiddos we packed up the car and went to play putt putt in Springfield. It was hot, but the kids loved it. Okay, okay....the adults liked it too.

And no trip to Springfield could be complete without a trip to Nakato. I think Karen and Nick understand now why we love that place so much!

Before leaving Springfield that night we needed to hit Starbucks to feed Nick's addiction! HA! It was my kids first time there and they got Strawberries and Cream.....they loved it. It may actually be a good thing that Bolivar doesn't have a Starbucks....my kids would be begging to go back more than our wallets would like.

On Saturday, the men played in a golf tournament at Silo Ridge. As soon as they left the rest of us went to work on some very elaborate Father's day plans. We decorated the back yard, made both peanut butter pie (Nick's favorite) and Cherry pie (Rayden's favorite), and ran to Walmart to get some water guns and a kid pool. We had a wonderful afternoon outside playing in the water and relaxing. Even the thunderstorm that rolled in didn't stop us from grilled steak and chicken for a Father's Day feast.

On Sunday, Nick led worship at our church...it was awesome! Oh how I wish they would just pick up and move here! Then we drove to Panera, ate lunch, gave big hugs, and said goodbye. I hope it's not too long before we get to do it all again!

Uncle Jake comes to visit

2010-06-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

In early June my youngest brother came to stay with us for two weeks. It was so much fun having him with us. It wasn't without bumps in the road, but I think it was good for him and for us to have this time together. I know of three little people for sure who were really glad he was around...

It wasn't a total vacation for Jake....we put him to work too! He was 3rd base coach at Nathan's first tee ball game. He also built us 2 benches to go with our table on the deck.

Even though he wasn't with us on his actual birthday....we celebrated with a cookie cake (like most of his birthdays growing up) before he left. Can't believe he is 24! Seems like time should just freeze when you leave the house and everyone you left behind should stay the same age. Seems like just a second ago he was 14 years old....running around in his boxer shorts and pestering me like all good little brothers do! He's turned into quite a man. I know he'll do great things in life!

Dunnegan Park's Fishing Day

2010-06-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

There is a beautiful lake-pond-thingy at the park in town that is home to all sorts of fish, ducks, and geese. 364 days out of the year there is a sign posted saying, "no fishing." But, there is one Saturday every year when the Bolivar Walmart hosts a kids fishing day. Kids under the age of 12 can fish all day long. And fish they did, I tell you. I think every child that resides in our city limits was at Dunnegan park that day. And the fish....they were a'bitin. We may have caught 50 fish in one hour's time (which is about all we lasted due to the stinking hot weather). The kids loved it and I am sure we'll be there again next year!

The blue Tigers

2010-06-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Every Monday and Thursday night we pack the family up and drive to the ballpark. We've got to get front row seats to cheer on the Tigers! Our favorite happens to be #3, Kaleb "the slugger" Hollis! After his first game I was a little worried about how it would all go. He mostly kicked up a giant dust cloud in the outfield, played with his hat, and he had a pretty slow swing. But, with each passing game he has improved greatly. He gets a hit every game (has even had a double) and enjoys playing pitcher the most (he does well close to the action so he has to stay focused). He gets really excited when Coach Gray tells him he can be catcher....there's nothing cuter than our little man in the catcher's gear.

Tee ball

2010-06-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Nathan's tee ball season ends tomorrow night and I haven't even posted about his first game. I'll let you in on a little secret....5 year old t-ball can be painfully slow and long. It's a good thing that little man is such a stinkin' cutie...otherwise I'm not sure I would make it.

Nathan has done great this season! In his league you get to bat every inning and you can't really get out. Each game ends in a tie and everyone gets to celebrate with juice boxes. What could be finer to a 5 year old? Also in this league you get 3 pitches from the coach and then if you haven't hit it you can use the tee. Nathan only had to use the tee during the first game. I'm not bragging or anything...but....the dude's a natural!

Daddy is the first base coach.

And there were some really handsome fans in the stands that day.

Even cousin Jordan got to witness the great game! Thanks goodness for Grammy....she brought lots of snacks to occupy these little onlookers....like a said before.....tee ball tends to move slow and go.on.for.ev.er!

Sew beautiful

2010-06-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not a great seamstress, but I can sew a straight line or two. But, I headed into this new sewing adventure with fear and trepidation. All in all, though, I am pleased with what transpired. I made, not one, but 2 pillowcase dresses. Can't wait til Independence Day when we can show them off!

A time to celebrate

2010-06-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

Most of you who read this will already know this sweet little face. But, for those of you who don't yet know this little beauty let it be my honor to introduce you to Zemma. Isn't she adorable. I could just smooch those cheeks right off her little face! Zemma is the newly adopted daughter of my sweet friend Laura. Laura and I go way back....I mean....way back. Like all the way back to our middle school days. She was one grade below me, but we were sweet friends. I simply loved her family growing up. Her home was a place filled with laughter and you KNEW that they all loved each other to the very core of their being. It always felt like a very safe and secure place to be. Maybe that's why I loved sleeping over there. Laura and I would sleep in the strangest places....I'm not exactly sure why....but, hey....when you're in middle school you don't need much of a reason to act ridiculous. We slept under her dining room table (I think we ended up here because we figured out that the bathtub wasn't a very comfortable option), in her kitchen, and also in the fold-down trunk of my father's car. Then, we'd wake up and make strange versions of pancakes. One version in particular I remember was peppermint pancakes. I think even her dog rejected those. Anyway...she is a sweet dear friend who I have such fond memories of. And now...she has added this amazing little girl to her family. What a joy it was to watch her introduce her baby to so many of her friends.

We had an absolute blast playing together and enjoying a meal. The kids played in the baby pool, the men played washers, and the women...well, you know what we did....we gabbed and gabbed into the late evening. Zemma and I bonded over bubbles. I got to catch up with Laura's older sister Lindsey (she was a hero of mine when I was in high school). It was fun to trade ministry wives stories with her. And it was a blast to see their mom Carol again. Carol has been a hero to me through everything with my parents. Every once in a while I get a precious note from her saying that she's praying for me. We don't talk often, but I feel connected to her through prayer. And there is no greater way to be connected in my opinion. It was also fantastic to gather so many of our Bolivar friends in one place at one time. I love hearing laughter....from kids and adults, echoing through my house and yard. There's not much more I need in life....a Savior, an amazing family, and dear sweet friends. I am a blessed woman.

Celebration of Success

2010-05-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Kaleb's school had an evening of fun and celebration to end the school year. I wasn't able to attend, but the kiddos were in good hands with their daddy and grandad. It looks like they had a blast playing games and eating snacks. Kaleb also got to show off all his work. We could not be more proud of our little man.

on the road again

2010-05-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Seven hours is a long time to spend in the car. And it seems even longer when you consider you are traveling with a 6, 5, and 2 year old. And it's even longer when you think that just 2 days earlier we traveled that same amount of time. We were getting a bit stir crazy....so we stopped at a rest stop on the highway and blew off some steam.

We made silly poses (I have no idea what he's doing, but it's cute!)
We dug around for bugs....quite successfully I might add.

And we continued being our cute....adorable....wonderful....sweet...(you get the picture) selves.

First comes love, second comes....

2010-05-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

Jackson and Aubri Jane....two little lovebirds. It is so cute to watch these two....they really do love one another.

When Aubri returned to her class the evening of the program her friend Audrey was NOT happy. jackson was no longer playing with her....he was only interested in his buddy Aubri.
The way they giggle and laugh together is so precious. They kept playing hide-and-seek while we were there....only they only had one hiding spot....behind the chair. They just took turns hiding in the same place and then "finding" each other.

Lindsey told me the cutest story the other day. She said that Jackson was asking about where Aubri was....he started running around the room yelling that he was Secret Agent Oso (a disney show) and he was going to rescue Aubri Jane. How sweet is that!?

Almost every day....even after being gone from Memphis for over a month....Aubri talks to Jackson on her pretend princess phone. It's so cute!

And maybe....just maybe....you'll see these photos again. Only it will be about 20some years from now in their wedding slide show!

don't blink, or you'll miss it...

2010-05-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

Monday, May 10th I had the honor and privilege to lead the children of Kids' Day Out in their Spring Program. It was not only the 8th program I have helped them put on, it was also the last program this group would put on. Kids' Day Out has officially closed its' doors. It was a bittersweet night....and I am SO glad I was able to go back to Memphis to be a part of it. And, I was thrilled that Aubri and Nathan got to participate with all their friends. It was an amazing night.

Time flies so quickly these days. My time at KDO was amazing....and way too brief. The ladies I met there invested in me and my children. The impact they have made on my family is irreplaceable and eternal in nature. This program literally changed my life....it gave me an income, a sense of purpose, a way to invest in the next generation of believers, a creative outlet, and life-long friends. God worked mightily in KDO and I pray that He would continue to work in the teachers, kids, and families lives who were a part of it.

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day was different than all the others I have had. Normally I am showered with cards and gifts, we go to church together, and then we have a nice lunch and some other festivities that involve me doing minimal planning and disciplining. The beginning of the day started out as usual....tons of handmade cards (I love that my boys are learning how to write and spell and can really tell me what's in their hearts) and a gift I have had my eye on (the board game Sequence....my grandma taught me this game a few weeks back and I really liked it). After that, though, my mother's day was anything but typical. I had to bolt out of bed and get myself and all three kids ready on my own. Now that Rayden is a senior pastor he normally leaves for church at about 7:30....ugh! We ate frozen waffles.....yum....got dressed and sped out the door. My man preached a wonderful message and then we darted to the house and packed our clothes and headed out for Memphis. My lovely Mother's Day lunch was replaced with a quick burger at Wendy's. Then, momma got lots of "quality time" with the family in the car....7 hours worth to be exact. My view on Mother's Day... Kaleb rarely looked up from his DSi.

Nathan was zoned in on the DVD player.....thank goodness for redbox.

And Aubri.... well, she had a rough day. First she clipped her lip into her barrette.

Then she happily ate her ice cream....and she generously shared it with her outfit!

It may not have been a typical Mother's Day, but it was great. Number one....I spent the day with my 4 favorite people on earth. And Number two....we ended the day with some of the best friends anyone could ask for (the Whaleys).

I have been a mom now for 6 years and I can honestly say that I do not feel any better at it than the day I started. But, with each day that passes I feel more and more blessed. And here's why...

what a mighty good man

2010-05-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

Remember that group "TLC." I used to love them....but there words were a bit racy for a young innocent girl like me so I never listened to them until I was in college. They have a song about a guy....actually, they probably have lots of songs about one guy or another, but the song I am referring to is "what a man".

Do you know that one? Well, let me hum a few bars for you....

"What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man."

Sheer lyrical genius, right? Well, it may not be eloquently stated, but these words most certainly describe the fellow that God sent into my life for me to journey with.

Let me just say it for the record....Rayden Hollis is the most amazing man I have ever met. There you have it. I know lots of women think they have the greatest husband around, but I am going to have to burst their bubble right here and now. They simply cannot have the greatest husband because I do.

Not only does he help me with housework (even without me asking....that's right ladies....he takes housecleaning initiative!). He also does more than his share with the kids....playing, bathing, dressing, disciplining, etc. He also tells me DAILY how he loves me, thinks I am gorgeous, and compliments my skills. All this while leading a church. So, I am always impressed and grateful with the man that he is, but two nights ago he took my breath away.

Wednesday night was a rough one for me....to say the least. I had a meltdown of epic proportions. (sure does seem like I am melting down a lot these days....hopefully this season will pass quickly) Let me give you a brief rundown:

I was laying on the couch watching tv when Rayden got back from locking up the church. I'm not sure exactly how it came up, but before I knew it I was sobbing hysterically and Rayden was rubbing my back and whispering, "I'm so sorry.....I'm just so sorry you have to go through this and feel these things."

Poor guy. He's been doing lots of counseling in his new position as senior pastor....and most of it is with his own wife!

In between sobs I was able to relay my laundry list of sorrows to my hubby. Not that he could understand me....I seriously was a blubbering mess of tear, boohoos, snot, and mascara. It wasn't pretty at all.

-I told him how I am still just so sad when I think about my mom. It just hurts my heart so badly that I have "lost" her. And even though we butted heads so much when she was well, I miss her terribly and would give almost anything to make her well again.
-I told him about the loneliness I m struggling with. Don't get me wrong, the people in our church have been so warm and welcoming, but it takes time to forge real and deep friendships. I am missing my people. Oh how I am treasuring Lindsey, Karen, Danielle, and Katie. I am praying that God will send me some kindred spirits her in Bolivar.
-I spilled my guts about how I wished I was closer to my brothers. There is truly no way to describe how proud of my brothers I am....how much I love them....how much I enjoy being around them. I'm sure it didn't help that I had just finished watching a DVRed episode of "Brothers and Sisters" where they all live in the same town and see each other almost daily. I've decided that growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be. When you grow up you end up moving away from the very people who helped you live life the first 7000 days you are on this earth. What a rip off!
-I revealed my fear that I am not succeeding as a mother. I know every mom thinks this from time to time. Makes sense to just heap this quilt on top of all the other woes I feel right now.
- I boohooed about the boxes that are still all over our house. I shared how my motivation to get them unpacked is lessening by the nanosecond.
-I cried about how crummy I feel physically. I know it's not great timing, but I decided to wean myself off of my anxiety medication to see how I do without it. As I type this I am sort of realizing what a bad decision that might be for me right here in this moment. Oh well, I'm too far in to back out now. But, coming off of Lexipro makes you feel really dizzy and forgetful. You feel kinda achy and flu-like. It really makes my heart go out to drug addicts who are trying to get clean. This is a much harder process than I anticipated.
-And finally, I wept over my newest hurt. I hesitate to even write about it, because it involves one of my most faithful readers and lots of people who know him. But, it's my blog....it's about my hurts, feelings, and journey. This is a very real part of my journey and it's not as if I can be honest about who I am and how I am trying to bring honor to God in everything without sharing this part of my story. My new wound involves my dad. I love him with all my heart. He means the world to me. He's my daddy....no matter what....not one choice he or I make will change that. But, I learned earlier this week that he plans to move in with his girlfriend (the woman he cheated on my mom and us with). I'm not sure how to handle this. Hence, the sobbing on the couch. I'll leave it at that....there are many more details than that, but they aren't necessary.

So, I basically spewed all this out in a matter of about 45 seconds as I snotted all over my sweet and unassuming husband. He teared up too as he tried his best to bring comfort and point me to the Lord. He rubbed my back, got me a kleenex, offered sweet words of encouragement, and prayed over me. And not once did he mention how hideous I must have looked with streaks of mascara going down my face, puffy and red eyes, and dried snot swiped across my cheeks. I told you....he's a mighty good man!

And on top of all of that....the next morning he let me sleep in until 10:00. He got the kids breakfast, took Kaleb to school, did 2 loads of laundry, and unloaded over 5 of our leftover boxes. He hung pictures that needing hanging, took the trash to the dumpster, and did it all with a smile on his face.

So, you see what I'm saying? I think you'd agree that when casting your ballot for greatest man alive you'd have to mark the box next to "Rayden Hollis."

And on top of all of that....he's famous. He was in the Bolivar paper this Wednesday.

sucker punch

2010-05-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I was perusing facebook....minding my own business when I happened upon a quote that stung a little bit. A former student of ours, Matt Swaringim, posted this as his status...

"Lack of motivation is caused by the lack of hope"

I guess the reason this stings so badly is because there are still unpacked boxes all over our house and garage. When we first moved in I was pumped about unpacking and organizing....it seemed thrilling to me. Unfortunately that feeling only stayed with me for about a week. Now...a whole month later....I am battling to complete the process. So, reading this statement makes me question the why behind my seeming inability to finish this project. Perhaps it is, in fact, lack of hope.

I am pretty overwhelmed at the moment. There are bills to be paid....both mine and my moms. And we are working from 2 checking accounts....one in Memphis and one in bolivar. And I have already mentioned the boxes that still need unpacking. In addition, i am trying to meet people and develop real and meaningful friendships. I wish the process of becoming intimate friends didn't take so stinkin' long!

I wonder if I have lost a little hope during this transition time. Before you move you build things up in your mind so big in order to stomach the pain of leaving a place you love that there is no possible way that your expectations can be met. When you expect more than you get, you lose some hope.

Please don't mishear me. I am NOT hopeless. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness (insert organ music here). But, I do think that I may just be a little bit down. Perhaps it is because it is taking longer for Bolivar to feel like home than I expected. Perhaps it is because I am currently going through some withdrawal symptoms since stopping some medication I was on. Or perhaps, this is merely a season of life hat I am passing through.

Whatever the case, I am certain of these things...
-my God will be the same after this is over as He was before it began.
-I will make it through this...His grace is sufficient to carry me through any circumstance.
-I WILL finish unpacking our boxes...even if I do it kicking and screaming....I WILL do it.

in my mailbox....

2010-05-03T15:58:00.001-07:00

I love the feeling of a full mailbox. Wait....let me rephrase that. I love when my mailbox is full of things other than bills. I love getting magazines that I can peruse through at leisure. I love getting letters and cards from friends. And I love getting FREE stuff. I sign up for just about every free sample there is. www.hip2save.com informs you of all kinds of samples you can get. I can not tell you how profitable this has been for me. I often even sign up for things I don't use....I may decide to try a new product or I may decide to gift it to a friend or donate it to charity.

Today was an especially great mail day. A while ago I signed up for a box of free samples from the post office. It was a new promotion they were offering. In the box was:

-a Dove candy bar
-3 packets of splenda and a coupon for splenda
- a trial size secret clinical strength
- trial size Aveeno hand cream
- a trial size Aveeno firming night cream
-trial size Aveeno shampoo and conditioner
-coupons for Aveeno worth $3
-full size Grill Mates steak seasoning
-one bengay heat wrap
-2 tasters choice flavored instant coffees
-2 shower to shower body wash samples

Can you believe it? I was so excited!

it just now hit me...

2010-04-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's not like it snuck up on me. We knew about our move for a little over a month. I think I was just in "doing" mode and I wasn't letting myself think about what it really meant. I knew that it meant a new church and a new home....the possibility of new ministry really excited me. I was anxiously anticipating all that God was going to do in and through us in Bolivar. I guess I neglected to think about the reality that moving means you leave some things behind....namely friends. And not just any friends....but friends who have become your family. Friends who nurtured you through the birth of a child, the divorce of your parents, the disease of you mother, the loss of 4 grandparents in under 4 months. Those kind of friends are hard to say goodbye to. And it wasn't until I saw them all in one place that I realized what we were about to do. So, what happened next....well, I bawled like a baby. Not just a tiny tear trickling down my cheek as I look gratefully out at a sea of people I love. No....that would have been much less embarrassing. I, instead, put my head in my hands and wept....rather uncontrollably I might add. My body was doing this weird twitching, shaking, heaving sort of motion as I wailed. I pulled it together....not as soon as I would have liked...but I was able to enjoy one last evening with some of my favorite people in all the world. We have been so blessed with great friends. And it may sound silly, but that was something I thought I might never have. Oh sure, I have had friends my whole life. But I was too terribly insecure to really let anyone see who I really was....warts and all. (not literal warts, mind you....that'd be a bit weird). These are some of the first people God has sent my way that have made me feel truly accepted and loved no matter what. If Danielle Lee and Katie Hayes could've been there my life would have been complete! Regardless, I have learned alot from these friends....I have gained enough security in who I am (and who God is inside of me) that I feel confident to step out and make new friends here in Missouri. The kind of friends that become your family....because who knows what they might have to help us walk through in the next 5 years.

Amy, Deidra, Me, and sweet little MaryAnne (she's Emma's older sister....so someday she'll be Nathan's sis-in-law!)
Nathan is "confessing with his mouth" that Jesus is Lord!

Ms. Kimberlayhey and sweet Lana

This is the moment when the BooHooing commenced....Barry was preparing to pray over us and I couldn't hold it in any longer. It was a meltdown of epic proportions.

We had the BEST teenagers while at Forest Hill. It was great to have so many people love on us and our kids! We are better for having known them.

Kimberly, Amy, me, and Karen. Such sweet friends!

Could God have sent me a more perfect friend. I am missing Lindsey like crazy!

Rayden and Mike. Great buddies....and kudos to Mike for getting our house rented! Hooray!

Kaleb, Luke, and "big" Caroline. She's not at all big....but the other Caroline is just 6...so she's been termed "little". Gotta love the logic of a 5 year old.

Mr. Richie and Jack Jack....some of our favorite guys around!

Tiger basketball

2010-04-25T08:45:00.001-07:00

There is this phenomena in Memphis known as Tiger basketball. Mempians go bananas over their Tigers. They bleed blue. We managed to make it out of there without changing the color of our blood (we still bleed orange (for the Oklahoma state Cowboys) and red (for Cardinal baseball)). We actually had never even been to a Tiger basketball game in all the years we lived there until about 3 weeks before we moved. Our sweet friends, the Hollands, got us tickets to join the pep bands for a game. Nick is the director of bands for the University of Memphis....we felt famous being with such "Memphis royalty"!

Loving on the Tiger....Nathan first.....then Kaleb and Caroline.

Watching the action....although I think his favorite parts were the treats from the concession stand!

Kaleb loved sporting the light-up blue glasses as he cheered the Tigers to victory!

"are they twins?"

2010-04-25T08:25:00.000-07:00

This is the question I consistently get asked about the boys every year from February 22nd until April 28th. In between those dates they are the same age. Right now, they are both 5 (at least for 3 more days....then K-man will be 6).

I get so many different reactions when I tell people they are just 10 months apart. From a mouth-dropping look of dumbfoundment (I think I my have just created that word) to rhetorical and satiric questions like, "you do know how this happens, right?" Just think if I told them that they are really 9 months and 24 days apart! Regardless, I just smile politely and remind them (and myself) how blessed I truly am. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave us Nathan.

Nathan is truly a gift (that's what his name means). We didn't plan on him....duh....I found out I was preggo when Kaleb was 10 weeks old. But God knew that our family would not be complete without Him. Praise God that He knows better than me what I need.

Here are some (much overdue) pictures from my middle child's 5th birthday party. And a big thanks and shout-out go to my sweet friend Karen who lent me her camera at the party so I could record this blessed event!

Totally ashamed

2010-04-14T11:27:00.001-07:00

I am mortified that it has been over an entire month since I last posted anything. It's not been because nothing has been going on. Indeed....the opposite is true. LOTS has been happening. I will give you a brief rundown (you can thank me later) and then I will try and go back and post pictures and more details later. Here are the Hollis family's comings and goings in the last month or so:

-Nathan turned 5. We celebrated for the 3rd straight year at RiverCity Gymnastics. He had over 20 friends help him celebrate this momentous occasion. And now, I have 2 five year old boys living in my house (please keep me on your prayer list)

-We resigned from Forest Hill Community Church. We were already looking for another job (as a senior pastor) but we did not already have one "locked up". It was a giant leap of faith.....scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

-We went in view of a call at Southern Hills Baptist Church in Bolivar, Mo.

-Rayden accepted the job as senior pastor at Southern Hills. There were more "no" votes than we were hoping for, but we both recognize that the older generations have a more difficult time accepting that my husband wears jeans to preach and doesn't stand behind a pulpit.

-I had to talk to my mother about why it would be inappropriate for her to have sex with her "boyfriend" at her assisted living facility. Gasp! Talk about a conversation I never thought I would have to have. That is the understatement of the year. It's a very long (and humorous and sad and confusing) story that deserves it's own post....so we'll just stop here for now.

-I took my mother to Pennsylvania to visit with her sister who is struggling with ALS. It seems to be progressing quickly so I wanted her to have some time with her sister before she passes. It was a difficult trip (mainly because I was stuck in the car with a dementia patient for 30 hours). More on this trip to come too.

-We had a big going away party 2 nights before we moved. It was so fun...and so emotional. I had not cried about moving until this night. So many amazing friends came to wish us well. It was very touching.

-We moved. We now live in Bolivar, Mo in the parsonage that our church owns. It is wonderful. Although, I am sick of seeing boxes around my house still. We've been here less than 2 weeks, but I wish we were done and completely settled. Oh well....we'll get there one box at a time.

-I am totally in love with Kaleb's new school. It has been awesome! I will tell you why later.

Well....that's the brief version. I will give more details and show you some pictures later. But for now, there are more boxes to be unpacked and I am packing a suitcase so that Rayden and I can head back to Memphis tomorrow for a wedding (and so that we can pack up my mom's things and bring her to an assisted living facility here in Bolivar). Lots to do! Ta ta for now!

Kroger Mega Event

2010-02-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

Every so often there is a great event at Kroger where you can buy 10 items (mix and match from a long list) and get 5 bucks off your total instantly. It's an awesome sale. And you know how much I am loving clipping my coupons. I took some time to go through the Kroger flier and my coupon book (a 3 inch binder full of baseball card holders stocked full of coupons) and I put together what I thought would be pretty successful trip. I took my family along this evening and I think things turned out pretty well. Here's a list of what I got and what I ended up spending on each item (after sales and coupons):

6 Pillsbury Toaster Strudel (1.10 each)

4 bags Wonka gummies (all FREE)

Milk (2.48)

Jumbo eggs (.99)

Sunny Delight (1.00)

Nature Valley Granola bars (.60)

2 Special K Fruit Crisps (2.00)

2 Martha White Muffin Mixes (.90)

Pillsbury frosting (1.29)

2 Dole Pineapple tidbits (.18)

6 Kraft Natural Cheese products (9.00)

2 I Can't believe it's not butter products (1.00)

2 Nestle tollhouse sugar cookie doughs (4.00)

International delights creamer (FREE)

New York Pizza sticks (1.00)

Weight Watchers Fudge bars (2.00)

2 goldfish crackers (.50)

Oscar Meyer turkey sub (1.00)

Bread (.78)

Hot dog buns (1.00)

My total with tax and all was $39.43

My savings were 59.57

That means I saved 62% on my groceries tonight!

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

V-day

2010-02-06T18:57:00.000-08:00

No. I am not speaking of a date historic to the nation we call home. I am referring to a date historic to my own household. It was the day we praised God for 3 beautiful healthy children. It was the day we decided that we were perfectly happy to have those wonderfully healthy children...and no more. It was the day Rayden had a vasectomy. It was last Wednesday.

I have ALWAYS said (well, at least since I was old enough to have actual thoughts about childbirth and parenting) that I would be done have kids by the time I was 30. I got married when I was 20, so I thought....if we want 10 kids that's fine...we'll just have to stack them back to back to back to back....well, you get the point.

We had our first child 2.8 years into marriage. Our second child came 9 months and 24 days after the first one. After that we decided to wait a while....good lord.....I needed to catch my breath! We waffled back and forth about whether or not we would stop after two kids. There are 2 children in Rayden's family and he felt that having an even number worked out great. no one is let out when you play games or ride roller coasters. But, still, in my mind I wasn't ready to call it quits. In the deep recesses of my heart I believed that God may want to give us a little girl. And...ahem....I was right. We decided to start trying for a third baby in November of 2006. I stopped taking the pill and we anticipated really "working" at conceiving in January 2007. That, however, was not necessary. I got pregnant in November 2006 and little Aubri Jane joined our family via C-section in August of 2007.

I had numerous complications after her birth. i was in and out of the hospital for a month. In these tiresome and painful moments I first began to believe our family was complete. But, we knew we couldn't make any decision in the midst of such chaos and disaster. So we waited. And waited. And waited. Rayden made a consultation appointment for this procedure when Aubri was a year old. He came home and told me he was ready. I proceeded to tell him that I was indeed NOT ready. How on earth can I make the decision to not invite another baby into our family. I knew it would be more stressful in lots of ways....financial, time, etc. But I also knew our love would grow exponentially.

Then...about 6 months later I was 3 days late. Yes....with my period. Talk about freaking out! I was in full on panic mode. I was in fact NOT pregnant, but it was a terrifying couple of days for me. I was a mess. I was scared and overwhelmed. Then, 3 months after that I was late again. FREAKING OUT HERE! Then one more time 2 months ago. Only this time I let Rayden ride the rollercoaster with me (those other incidents I didn't tell him anything until they were already over). He lovingly looked into my eyes and held me as I tried not to show how terrified I was and he said, "Sarah, if you are freaking out this much at the possibility of being pregnant, don't you think it's time we rally do something about it?" Hmmmm. Yes. Yes we should.

We made the appointment. We followed through. And now....there is relief. Yes. If I would have gotten pregnant again I would have been thrilled. I would have loved, prayed for, nurtured, and adored a fourth child. But, praise be to Jesus, there won't be a fourth child. At least not by us conceiving one. I will not have to endure pregnancy again an get all fat and horribly uncomfortable. I will not have to have surgery again and suffer any complications from a misplaced epidural. That is all behind me. The deed has been done.

Now, if you will excuse me...I am going to sneak in to each of my 3 babies rooms while they sleep and give them night-night kisses. I will whisper in their ears that I love them. And I will whisper in my heart how amazingly grateful I am that God is sharing them with me.

Aiming to win

2010-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

They say that if you shoot at nothing you will hit it every time. I fear that my life is all too summed up by that quote. I have not been that great at setting goals, so I have not been real pleased with how things are going in certain areas of my life. So, I am setting some February goals for me and my family (although mostly just me!).

February goals:
1. Lose 4 pounds (that's a pound a week)- I have been a member of Weight watchers for about 20 weeks and although I started off great I am sad to say that I have gained almost half of it back. BOO! Anyway, I am recommitting to tracking my daily points and would love to hit this benchmark. If I lose this amount of weight then I will hit my 16 pound total (which is 10% of my starting weight.)

2. Make and menu...AND STICK TO IT! Making the menu is not the hard part for me....my problem is in the follow through portion of this deal. So, I want to make realistic menus and stick to them. I am hoping that my first baking day will help out with them and I intend to do another baking day as well (see goal number 3).

3. Host Baking Day #2. I have really enjoyed the fruit of the labor that was baking day #1. It's been great to have premade muffins to thaw out for breakfast on the go. It's awesome to just thaw and heat things....sure beats slaving away in the kitchen every single day. This time I would like to do some snack options, lunchbox options, and maybe even try some weight watchers meals in order to piggyback off of goal number 1.

4. Read an ENTIRE book. Once again....I am a great book starter. Not so great with the finishing, however. But, the other day I was at Lifeway (side note....I absolutely love that store!) and I saw a book that was simply begging to come home with me. It's by John Ortberg and it's called, "The Me I Want To Be." Intriguing, right? Just listen to this...."What I really want is to be fully alive inside." And this, "The most important task of your life is not what you do, but who you become." Or maybe this will speak to you, "no human being in your life gets the final word on who God made you to be." Sounds awesome, doesn't it. I read the first 2 chapters (34 pages) last night. Only 224 more to go. Totally doable.

5. Work with Nathan at least 2 times a week on reading. My little Nathan is a smarty pants. He has an amazing vocabulary and a real thirst to learn. The kid asks about a billion (or at least that's what it feels like most days) questions a day! I know he'll do great in Kindergarten next year, but I also think he's ready for more already. I want to spend some time intentionally helping him learn.

I'm sure there are more. But, I want to commit to these 5 things. I don't want to be overly ambitious and then get disappointed when it's too difficult to follow through. It'll be nice to aim at something instead of nothing for a change. HA! What are you aiming at this month?

Narnia....here we come!

2010-01-28T19:54:00.000-08:00

The past several weeks we have been reading "The Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion,the Witch, and the Wardrobe." at bedtime. We have finished all 17 chapters and it was time to watch the movie. The kids could not have been more excited. We ate our supper (chicken tettrazini from baking day....yum yum!) and then took early baths. We cuddled up to start the show.

We even had lion cookies (in honor of the great King Aslan).

Throughout the movie Kaleb kept declaring, "I've seen this movie before." We were trying to explain to him that he hadn't but that he knew what was going to happen next because he had read the book. He wouldn't go along with us....he kept insisting that he had in fact watched this movie before. He's a stubborn little rascal....you'd think he was a firstborn....oh wait, he is a firstborn! That explains so much!

We also let Aubri Jane watch the movie with us even though she did not listen to the book (we read it after she was in be each night). She really liked it as well. She became particularly interested in Mr. Tumnus (or "Mr. Tum" as she called him). She kept saying, "Mr. Tum have so silly ears!" and after the White Witch turned him into stone she became increasingly concerned about him. Every couple of seconds she would declare, "Mr. Tum cyin cuz he not want be stone. Dat witch be mean him." She could not get past the fact that he was crying when he became a statue. What a glorious moment it was for her when Aslan breathed on Tumnus and he came back to life. Truly, Aslan was a hero to ALL that night!

NYC may have the Naked Cowboy...

2010-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

but we've got the Naked Cowgirl!

And I think she's WAY better!

Baking day #1

2010-01-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

I title this post "baking day #1" because I can assure you that there will later be a baking day #2....and #3.....and so on and so forth. My sweet friend, Karen, and I share a love of couponing and "blog stalking." One of the blogs we love is "money saving mom." This blog is written by a godly lady who is doing her best to honor God with all of her families resources (they are just now, after like 7 years of marriage, going to buy their first house....and they are paying cash for it!). One way that "money saving mom" (I have no idea what her actual name is at the moment) saves money is by preparing meals at home from scratch. She hosts "baking days" where she prepares lots of meals at once and then freezes them for future use. Karen and I decided to give it a try. We made our menu, gathered ingredients, sent my family over to her house to hang with her family, turned on the radio, and went to work.
We got out our extra tables and spread out everything we needed to make chicken tetrazzini, chocolate chip muffins, breakfast hot pockets, meatballs, whole wheat waffles, southwestern roll ups, and stuffed shells.

Our husbands were most excited about our breakfast hotpockets. This recipe was very elaborate and involved yeast (something I have NEVER used before). It took about 3 hours to make these....you mix stuff then it has to rise.....then you add some stuff......then you let it rise.....then you knead it.....then it rises again. You get the picture. They sure are yummy though!

After about 6 hours of cooking and cleaning we were finished. My freezer is now stocked with 3 meals of chicken tettrazinni, 6 whole wheat waffles, 2 meals of southwestern chicken rollups, 2 meals of stuffed shells, extra filling for stuffed shells, a dozen chocolate chip muffins, 50 meatballs, and about 15 breakfast hot pockets.

We'll begin gathering recipes for next month's baking day soon!

There's a first time for everything

2010-01-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

And today was my first time to dye my hair. I have never ever colored or even highlighted my hair before this week. I have always thought that I would just go grey gracefully. I actually think long grey locks look regal and beautiful. But then I saw a picture of myself from behind and I saw this web of scraggly grey hairs that oddly resemble a spider latching on to the back of my head and I changed my mind.
I told my friend Gypsy (also my hairdresser) that I wanted something close to my natural color (but if it had to be different I wanted it to be darker....can you imagine a blond with my skin tone...yikes!) She put in a temporary color called "toffee." It will shampoo out in about 6 weeks. That way I don't have to keep doing it over and over again if I don't want to. But guess what....I think I'll want to. I really like it. I also really like the hair cut she gave me. I had just asked her to thin it out a bit (I have freakishly course and thick hair) but she decided to give me side swept bangs. It turned out better than I expected.

We got a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

Well, sort of....

Thursday was the 101st day of school so the entire Kindergarten at Chimneyrock Elementary dressed up like dalmations. They had a "101 Dalmations" party complete with a movie and craft (creating a headband with ears.) Isn't our little dalmation cute? A big thank you goes out to my friend LIndsey who helped me make his shirt the night of the break-in. Not only did she let my entire family sleep at their house that night, she fed us all, made Kaleb's lunch for the next day, and took me to Target to buy the stuff to make the costume (those meanie-heads that robbed us stole his first costume!).

Again???? Are you serious????

2010-01-23T18:05:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday afternoon our house was broken into....again. Yes, that's right. This is the second time our house has been broken into in the 5 years we have lived here. Let me tell you the story...

After preschool was over we went and picked up Kaleb from school. So far....nothing is out of the ordinary. Kaleb explains that he got a "g" on his behavior chart signifying that he had a "good" day. We celebrated! This meant that he earned for himself 30 minutes of wii time....pure bliss! We got home and the kids ran inside while I went to get the mail. A moment later Nathan ran out and said, "hey mom....what did you do with our wii?" I reply, "what do you mean, 'what did i do with your wii?' I didn't do anything with it." Still everything feels normal as I come in the door. The first weird thing happens as I turn the corner. There is squeezable grape jelly laying in the middle of the kitchen floor. Odd. But I am still not thrown off to much (my family is a bit rambunctious....anything is possible). But then I head in to the living room and notice that the back door has been kicked in. The frame of the door is just hanging there and the door is all busted up. heart. is. racing. I yell, "who wants to go visit London and Liam (our friends about a mile away)." The kids just stare as if to say, "we just got in the door and now we have to turn right back around again?" With them staring at me dumbstruck I yell "first one to the car gets a cookie." Needless to say, they began moving. We buckled (faster than I ever have before) and drove (rather quickly....Lord, please forgive me for breaking the law and speeding) to my friend Allison's house. (why didn't I just use my cell phone you might be thinking. Well, I had forgotten it at home that day....of course I did. of all days, right!?)

Fast forward. I will spare you the boring details. Allison watched the kids while Rayden and I met with the cops. We discovered all that was missing and we found a fingerprint that would be useful. They didn't take much....just all the things that have any monetary value (cameras, jewelry, wii and wii accessories, Ipods, etc). But the thing that kills me is that they slashed up our trampoline. What a bunch of jerks. I mean, really. I get stealing...at least they have something to gain from that. But this was just downright rude. To be perfectly frank....it felt like on the way out they just left a little "f you" in the backyard.

Anyway. You'd think I would be devastated. Scared maybe. Sad even. But seriously I am doing alright. I mean, things aren't all peachy or anything. I definitely feel violated. I feel sort of "naked" if you will. They had dumped out all our clothes drawers looking for stuff. It bothers me to think that some bad dude was touching my panties. Sick. But, I spent the next day washing every piece of clothing we have. Really, I mostly feel grateful.

In light of recent events in Haiti....I have nothing to complain about. The thought that continues to swirl around in my head is this...."some mommies are out there searching for there babies that are missing. All you are hoping to recover is a stupid Ipod." And really, everything that was taken from us will be restored (minus our deductible) from insurance. Those sweet people may never have what they lost restored to them.

And as far as fear goes....you know I already struggle with this. But, my God is a God of peace and He has proven that to me again. While I haven't yet slept in my bed yet (I feel weird that those people were near my bed) I am not afraid of being in my home. God has kept me safe so far and I have no reason not to think he won't continue to do so.

I am praying that the police will catch these kids and that they will receive consequences for their actions. I want them to know that what they do affects other people. It's like we told the boys, "everyone in the world gets to choose for themselves whether or not they will follow God's rules. But, not following God's rules always hurts you and other people."

My daddy's girl

2010-01-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

Have I ever told you before how much of a daddy's girl my daughter is? Well, if I haven't before, I am telling you now. Aubri is truly a daddy's girl. Given the choice between us she'll pick her daddy 9 times out of 10. That's okay with me. I'm dealing with it....sort of. I only cry every couple days. No, I'm just kidding. I LOVE that she is a daddy's girl. They will have such a cool relationship as she grows up....it's part of what I so desperately wanted a little girl.

Anyway....

Each night at bedtime I beg Aubri to let me rock her. But, alas, every night that I ask I get the same response..."No....I want daddy put me bed." Even when I fake cry she walks over to me, hugs me, kisses my cheek, and whispers in my ear "don't cry mommy....but I want daddy put me bed."

You can clearly see that it doesn't bother me at all!

So, each night Rayden rocks her for a few moments and then he blesses her. He looks into her eyes as he holds her and whispers, "The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face upon you and give you peace." Then he kisses her forehead and puts her in her crib.

Well, Rayden wasn't home last Wednesday night. It was my chance to rock my sweet baby girl. And this particular night I thought I might whisper that blessing in her ear.

"The Lord bless you and keep you.....The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face upon you and give you peace." Then I added, "I love you baby girl."

Aubri's response..."Don't pray daddy's prayer. Pray your own prayer."

Christmas Pictures (and captions)

2010-01-13T19:31:00.000-08:00

Lots of presents...oh....and a Christmas tree too!

Santa came and brought a motorcycle for Kaleb, a Wii for Nathan, and a kitchen for Aubri.

Playing the much-wished-for Star Wars Wii game.

Even Little Grandma tried the Wii Bowling.

Aubri coloring on the easel that Aunt Katie and Uncle Tom got for the kids.

PawPaw sent his gifts along with Uncle Joshie. Bakugan, a Tinkerbell movie and glowworm, and a musical sit and spin.

A beautiful princess....even without this Snow White kitchen ensemble.

Uncle Joshie gets a power drill....guess that means he's all grown up now!

Kaleb is "born to ride!"

Nathan could barely contain his excitement all day long.

Such a joy to have my brothers, mom, and grandma there to celebrate with us!

Uncle Joshie and Kaleb building a Knex truck. Wait....scratch that....let me rephrase. Kaleb watching Uncle Joshie build him a Knex truck.
Relaxing after a long day!

Playing PIT. What an awesome game!

Little Grandma laughing so hard she started to cry. It was all started by Josh saying "dooty sakes grandma" (you'd have to know my grandma, but she has some very funny sayings)

4 generations

2010-01-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

This Christmas brought together 4 generations of ladies in my family. This is the first time this has ever happened. It was very special. This picture will forever be so meaningful to me because it captures the joy found in family and the priceless nature of the bond of womanhood. This picture has some of my favorite people in all the world in it (and don't think I mean me....I am not that self-involved....sheesh!)

My Little Grandma....don't ask me why I call her that. I am not entirely sure. All I know is that for as long as I can remember I have had a little grandma and a big grandma. I can only assume that I came up with these names because one of my grandmas is little....about 5 foot 2 and one is big....well....at least biggER that 5 foot 2. (I'm a genius, I know...)

Small side note here....a while back my big grandma wrote me a letter in which she included a post script. It read...."P.S. Do you know what you call me big grandma? Well, one day when you were about 3 we were taking a walk and I asked you why you called me that and you said it was because I had big boobies." Random post script I must say....and I can't speak to the validity of this statement because I have no recollection of this conversation. So, for the sake of not sounding utterly ridiculous, I am sticking to the story of naming them based on their height.

Okay....back to my little grandma. This woman is amazing. She is feisty, hilarious, full of life, determined, and stubborn as heck. (I'd use a different word here, but I am married to a pastor and it may not seem appropriate!). She has been through so much in her lifetime....losing her son when he was just 6 years old to ether pneumonia, losing her husband just a few short years later to a freak car accident, surviving an abusive and alcoholic second husband, being a single mom to 3 girls, helping her daughter struggle through mental illness, caring for another daughter who is dying of ALS, and the list goes on and on. Praise the Lord that my grandma is a believer because I don't know how you could walk a road like that any other way. And praise God for his perfect timing because she didn't give her life to Christ until about 7 years ago. My little grandma has taught me how to be strong and how to laugh in the face of terrifying times. She is a blessing to me and to all who know her.

My mom. What a road we have walked together. I spent most of my growing up years mad at my mom. I was mad at her for her high expectations of me. I was mad at her for how judgemental she seemed. I was mad at her for how she treated my dad. I was mad at her for the unfair treatment I felt I was getting. Mainly though, I think I was just mad that we weren't close....like I desperately wanted to be. Maybe I glamorized the mother-daughter relationship so much and had an unrealistic picture of what it was supposed to be. Or maybe, because we were both oldest children we were both too stubborn and hardheaded to let our guards down with each other. Who knows? Whatever the case, we weren't close. But then, I myself became a mom. All of a sudden I saw her in a different light. All of a sudden she became very present in my life. Things seemed to be turning around. I needed her and she was willing and pleased to swoop in and be what i needed her to be. But then...DIVORCE. My parents split up. I made it clear to them that I was against their choice. I told her that I thought God's best was reconciliation. I told both my parents that although their sins were many that they could be forgiven by God and they could work to forgive one another. I think that conversation drove a wedge between me and my mom....or it at least reminded us of the wedge that was already there. She began to shut me out. She stopped calling. She didn't come to Memphis when my daughter was born. I began to shut her out too because the pain she had caused me was so great. I felt so abandoned and hurt. The walls I were building around my heart were growing very tall. Since then I have had to demolish that wall brick by brick as I have cared for my mom in her new life (one full of hospitals, medications, and dementia). What a humbling experience it is now to mother my own mother. It is truly as if all 28 of our previous years of "wedges" has melted away and all I feel is love for her. Oh sure....the day to day stuff of caring for her needs gets really annoying sometimes....but love and loyalty to my mother is most pervading.

Then there's me. What can I say about me? Let's see...I'm 29, I am 5 foot 2, I weigh about 20 pounds more than I should. Maybe I should dig a little deeper. I am a mother who feels like I fail more than I succeed. I am someone who easily overcommits myself and then becomes frozen in an overwhelmed state. I am plagued by anxiety over medical issues (I am currently medicated for this and am also going to a psychologist) and I am trying to lose weight through weight watchers (this is most certainly an up and down battle). But, if I am going to sift through what's on the inside I must admit that I do see some good stuff in there too. Although I seem to fail a lot as a mother, I am fiercely committed to my children and to praying for their salvation and spiritual health. I know that God is the one who will capture their hearts and lead them to great things. And even though I say yes more times than I should, I LOVE to serve my God and His people. I know He has gifted me so that I can be a blessing, and I am doing my best to do just that. And yes, I do battle anxiety (ever since my dad's seizure 2 years ago), but I am pretty proud of myself that I sought help and am not content to just live this way. I am battling this disease....I will NOT let it rule me. I am determined to struggle against the enemy and let God have every victory in my life. So in conclusion, I've got some crud in me (don't we all) and by God's grace there are a few redeeming qualities tucked away inside this body. I pray that my life may testify to the fact that God is real and that He is in the business of redeeming all things to Himself.

And finally, my baby girl....Aubri Jane. This little lady amazes me daily. How on earth did I ever get so blessed to be chosen as her mommy? She brings me such joy. She makes me laugh. She is teaching me what it means to be feminine and gentle. One of my favorite things she does is when you put her in her crib she whispers, "pray for me." Isn't that so sweet? Those words melt my heart each night as I cry out to God...begging Him for the day of her salvation. She is truly a princess and I pray that she will always see herself just as God sees her.

Twas the night before Christmas....

2010-01-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

and all through our house
lots of things were being prepared
by me and my spouse.

The bread was being broken
to prepare for a big meal
While momma was out and about
looking for one last great deal.

We all settled in to create a nice scope

"we'll spot Santa for sure....well, at least, I hope"

When what to our wondering eyes did appear

but mom with her camera trying to capture the cheer

"Now, Aubri, now Nathan, and Kaleb you too

please sit down and smile....please, won't you?"

Can you hear us exclaim as we sit here tonight....
"Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good night!"

Alpine Village

2009-12-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

A nearby church puts on an amazing event every year called the Alpine Village. They transform there entire church into a winter wonderland. They make little shops and the kids get to go into each one and participate in an activity of some kind. Two things make this event fantastic....number one....it's free! and number two...they require reservations so the gym is not overly crowded. This was the first year we've ever gone. I got brave and took all three kids, even though Rayden was in Ohio. We had a blast all night long.
We saw Santa and sat on his lap...

We told him what we wanted for Christmas....Kaleb wants Bakugan, Nathan wants a Wii and a Wii Star Wars game, and Aubri wants a kitchen.

We made candy cane crafts and heard the story of the candy cane...

we watched a train go round and round....and round and round....and round and round (they might have stayed at that thing all night if I didn't pry them away)

We played in the artificial snow that they had falling from the sky in their gym (how stinkin cool is that!?)

We posed as snowmen....

We made tops in the toy shop...

We watched a puppet show about a department store manager who learned the true meaning of Christmas...

We put sprinkles....scratch that....LOTS of sprinkles on gingerbread cookies (and later ate them with lemonade to drink before we left)
It was so much fun. What a fantastic outreach this must be. I pray that many many people heard about the good news of Jesus coming to earth through this event.

Our 7th production

2009-12-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

I have now done my 7th program with the kids at our church preschool. We just had our Christmas show and it went awesome! I could not have been more proud. Teaching music at KDO is truly such a joy to me. There is nothing like watching the faces of little children as they belt out praises to our God. So many moments I am overcome to the point of tears over the genuine nature of their worship.

This program was filled with lots of laughs. We kicked off the show with the Monkey class (Nathan's class) rapping. We wore sunglasses and shocked the whole crowd with our "whoop whoops" and our "gangsta" poses at the end. It was priceless!
The Monkeys were joined by the other classes for songs like, "Santa Claus is coming to town," "Jingle Bells," and "In a manger."

Aubri got her moment to shine too. I was so happy to see that she sang almost every word and did the motions too. That is, until....

she lifted her dress and flashed the entire crowd. Of course....it HAD to happen on a night when I forgot to put bloomers on her. What was I thinking? I know, I know....I wasn't thinking at all. It was cute, though!

This is Lindsey and me after the program is over (notice the look of sheer relief on our faces!) She is not only the director of KDO, a fantastic mom, wife, workout barbie, and cleaning maniac....she is also a dear, sweet friend to me. God truly has blessed me with her and her family.

Family Church

2009-12-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

Forest Hill has started doing something new that I simply love....it's called Family Church. On the first Wednesday of every month we cancel every church acticity and come together as an entire body of believers.....ages 0-well....however old you are! We have active worhsip led by the "kidz in Motion singers" (of which my two boys are a part) and then we have a video, skit, game, and a short (yet amazingly inspiring and hilarious) message from a fantastic preacher....in case you haven't guessed it yet....Rayden delivers the message.

I love this concept because I am a huge believer in the fact that generations can learn from one another. I believe that the older generations have wisdom that I (and my children) lack....and need! I also think that children can teach adults a thing or two about freedom in worship and confidence in who you are made to be.

It is so cool to dance and sing WITH my kids and then teach them how to respect and honor the Word of God as it is delivered through the pastor. It's not a quiet and formal service, as you can imagine. It's more of a....well....training ground. Life's a journey. We all have things to learn. I need to learn to forget about the person beside me and worship freely and openly and lavishly. And my kids need to learn to be still and be respectful in their worship.

Family church....it's so cool!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

2009-12-16T17:44:00.000-08:00

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care and the tree has been trimmed by three very anxious and excited little children (and to be honest....their equally thrilled parents). And our house is officially ready for Christmas.

Oh, wait. I take that back. We were ready for Christmas until the boys informed us that only the inside of our house was ready. They claimed that our poor, undecorated, plain ole boring outside was the saddest house on the street. They went so far as to claim that Santa may not even like our house enough to stop by on Christmas Eve. My, oh, my. We could not have that. Leave it to Memphis weather to provide us with a 64 degree day this week....perfect for hanging lights outside. Of course, out of the 12 strands of light we had only 5 of them worked. We made due and now 4 of the bushes in our front year bear twinkling lights. Now we're good to go.

Hold up a minute. Not so fast. Our boys have not let us off the hook just yet. They are now claiming that lights are not decorations....they are just, well....lights. A Christmas tree has lights AND decorations. And that is in fact what the outside of our house needs....at least according to Kaleb and Nathan. I don't really know what we're going to do to remedy this problem....any suggestions?

So grateful...

2009-11-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

I spent a good portion of my thanksgiving this year a bit sad. It's hard for me to not reminisce about my family during the holidays. While this time of year is filled with a lot of joy and laughter, it also reminds us of areas in our life that are lacking or are not the way we wish they were. I guess I got "stuck" in that frame of mind on Thanksgiving. I was with Rayden's family, like every year on Thanksgiving, but I could not get my mind off my own family. I was thinking of how "broken" it feels. I haven't seen my brothers in quite some time and even when I do it's for very brief intervals. My dad was spending the holidays with his girlfriend and her family, which is a whole ball of wax that I won't even get in to in this format. And then my mom was back at her assisted living center. While she was perfectly safe and happy there, I felt terrible guilt over not having her with us on this day. Unfortunately, I wasted so much of that day thinking about what I would never have back. I kept thinking about the "picture perfect" memories I would never again have. I wished away too much of that day.

I can't go backwards, but in an effort to redeem this holiday in my mind I will take some time here to count my many blessings.....name them one by one (insert pipe organ music here!).

First, I am thankful for Rayden. I could not be more blessed by the man that God gave me to journey through life with. He is honestly the most godly man I know. He loves the Lord deeply and he loves me selflessly. He keeps his priorities in life (God first, me second, the kids third, and the church after that) and that brings so much security to my life. He is able to admit his faults and ask for forgiveness when he needs to. He freely and rapidly offers forgiveness to those who offend him (including me). He is truly an anointed man of God and it is such an honor to walk through life with him.

I am grateful to the boy who made me a mother. Kaleb Josiah Hollis is a true joy and a true challenge. He can always make me laugh, make me feel loved, and make me want to pull my hair out. He is strong willed (I won't tell you who he got that from!), energetic (that's the understatement of the year), and loving. He is a picture of generosity. He reminds me that I need the Lord. I have struggled with self-righteousness all my life and I believe that God gave me Kaleb to remind me that I can not figure things out on my own. I can not "power through" or make a to-do list good enough to make my life perfect. Kaleb is an awesome young man and it blesses me to watch him learn and grow. He reminds me that life is a journey and that this journey is supposed to be FUN! I am so in love with this kid!

I could not be more grateful to the Lord that He gave us Nathan. Nathan James Hollis is a gift in every sense of the word. The Lord chose to give us this baby (I found out I was preggo with him when Kaleb was just 10 weeks old!) and I am thrilled to pieces about it. Nathan has such an intense attitude and determination. There isn't much that holds this kid back. He is so smart and he loves to help. I can also see in him a unique sensitivity to spiritual things. I really believe that he is being honest when he exclaims that, "Jesus already lives in my heart. I asked him to come in there when I was little." He is also a great picture of the stereotypical middle child. He wants to be sure that everything is fair and he often wants reassurance that he isn't being slighted in any way. When I look at him I remember that God loves to give good gifts. He also reminds me that God knows better than me what I need. I believe God has great things in store for this little man....and I can't wait to watch his story unfold.

Oh my! Is there anything sweeter than my Aubri Jane? The answer of course.....NO WAY! I am so thankful for my daughter. There was a part of me that believed that because I wanted a little girl so badly that God would never give it to me. What a terrible thought, right? I know. But it's true....I had a warped perception of my heavenly Father. But, this little darling came into my life and I realized that God delights in seeing His children smile. She personifies to me the truth that He is the giver of all good things. She brings me so much joy and just looking at her makes me smile. She challenges me to be a better woman. I know God has given her to me so that I can become the woman that I pray that she will one day be. (that was wordy....I hope it makes sense). I can not wait for all the girly adventures that await us in the years to come. I am blessed to have this angel in my family.

This year I am also grateful for my Little Grandma. I call her that because she's littler than my other grandma (whom we refer to as big grandma). We must have been child geniuses to come up with such clever names! Anyway, she has been such a sense of encouragement to me as I have cared for my mom. We have grown so close this year and I am currently thankful that she will be here to celebrate Christmas with us this year. Just 19 more days and she will arrive in Memphis!

This year I am SO AMAZINGLY GRATEFUL that we are getting mom the help she needs. 2009 started out so rocky with her. Lots of hospital visits, delusions, hallucinations, doctor appointments, bills, prayers, and medications later we FINALLY have a diagnosis. Frontotemporal Dementia.....while this is not a happy diagnosis....it is an answer all the same. Within weeks of this diagnosis we were able to get her a room in an assisted living facility that will care for for her and provide her the safety and companionship she needs. She is SO happy there and I am SO happy for this progress.

This year I am grateful for my sweet friend Lindsey. There aren't really words to describe how her family has blessed us this year. I know that God did me a great favor when he put her in my life. She is a breath of fresh air to me. She is a real person....honest about her failures and faults...but who is striving with all that she has to honor the Lord in every way. She makes me laugh....and cry. She checks on me when I am down and she gives up time with her husband so that our men can go out and "bond." She also openly and lavishly loves my kids.....and there is no greater gift that you could give a mother than to pray for, care for, and love her kids. She is a gift to me straight from Heaven.

I am also thankful for our church. This picture is of the students we took to St. Louis this summer. They are some of the greatest students in all the world. They love the Lord and they love us. What more could you ask for? Our church has had its ups and downs....no doubt (unfortunately way more downs than ups here recently) and it has been so terribly frustrating to serve there at times. But, these people have become our family. They are there for us to celebrate our victories with us and they weep with us as we have mourned terrible losses this year. They have shown us the way that God's people should love one another....we know they love God because they have loved us so selflessly.
I am thankful that we live near Rayden's extended family. It has been a joy to get to know Carrie and Amber this year....they have become dear friends. I have never lived close to my cousins before and it has been really cool to have Rayden's cousins just minutes away. They remind me of what a gift family can be....how we should treasure our moments together.

My list of things I am thankful for is far from complete, but I will end with this last thought. I am grateful for the promise of Heaven. This year Rayden and I buried 4 of our grandparents. As of now, Rayden has no living grandparents. While these passings were painful, they remind me that this world is not my home. I am grateful that there will come a day when all pain and sorrow will cease. I am grateful for a day that I will see my Savior face to face and I can fall at His feet and worship and adore Him. This picture makes me smile because I see two people that are now at the feet of my Jesus. I know they are is pure bliss. Their pain is gone. Their joy is complete. They struggle no longer with sin and sickness. And I trust that they are speaking to Jesus and asking Him to bless us, to watch over us, to use us, and to allow us to finish this race with vigor. I am grateful for a God who saves....and also promises a greater life here and after death.

A sweet night-night story

2009-11-28T19:17:00.000-08:00

We spent the week in Branson, Mo with Rayden's family for Thanksgiving. All the kids (our 3 plus our niece Jordan) slept on mattresses on the floor in Grammy and Grandad's room. Before bed the first night Uncle Tommy went in to read the kids a story before lights out. Only, much to our surprise/amazement/pleasure he wasn't the one reading the story. Our sweet niece (just 2 months older than Aubri) was telling the story. The story of Jonah and the whale was beautifully pouring out of this sweet 2 year olds mouth. Now, she wasn't reading the book....holy cow....that would totally have rocked our worlds! But, her mommy and daddy had read her this book so many times that the words just stuck in her little head. It was a precious moment.

And for my sweet niece, Jordan, I pray that she would learn the lessons of Jonah. I pray that she will hear God's voice and choose-the first time-to follow God's commands. I pray that for my own children as well. Praise the Lord for His Word and the truth that it shows us. And praise the Lord for moments when we can hear His truth spilling forth from children we love.

Playing in the leaves- Part 2

2009-11-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

The farther into fall we get the more leaves that hit the ground in our front yard. While I hate---oops, I mean strongly dislike---the tree that stands in the center of our yard, I am grateful for the fun it has provided us in the last few weeks. And you've gotta love that crazy Memphis weather that allows you to play outside without a jacket in the middle of November. How sweet is that face?

Look at those gorgeous blue eyes.....man....he is a handsome fellow.

Pure bliss!

falling deeper in love

2009-11-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

I've been reading more. And I must say that I am really excited about this book. When last I told you about it I was still somewhere around page 60. But now, I am on page 146. People.....it's official now. I love this book. It's a real no nonsense guide to parenting. It seems simple and practical. You've got to love when you read something and in your head you are thinking, "yeah....that's it! That sounds right. Why didn't I think that before?" It's clever, funny, informative, thought-provoking. Okay, okay....you probably get the picture by now. You would think I was paid to do a review of it or something! (which I wasn't, by the way!). If you would indulge me, I would love to share a few new quotes that I have read recently. Maybe they will speak you as they did me.

"In this regard, Grandma understood that she was raising an adult, not a child." -I love that thought. We are equipping our kids for something more than just the next play date or the next school grade. We are striving to make them functional and godly PEOPLE....adults who will lead their own lives in a way that honors our Lord.

"consumption without contribution inevitably engenders a feeling of entitlement." -Yikes! I wholeheartedly agree. I even see this in my own life (gulp!). I want my kids to be grateful people....and it seems that requiring their participation in our family chores and responsibility will facilitate this.

"Nothing dampens a child's social skills more than solitary, mind-numbing electronics." -Umm....guilty as charged. I sure have rented a movie because I was tired and played it off as "family movie night." What a lame excuse for a "togetherness" activity. No one says a word to each other....in fact we never actually even glance in one another's direction (unless someone gets up to pee) and we call it bonding. Something seems a bit off. That quote stings a bit.

"all too many of today's parents really do not know where they are headed with their children" -Once again....ouch. This one is really making me think. Where am I headed with them? I mean, sure, I want them to be godly adults, but that's a pretty generic.....and hugely gigantic target. Anything more specific? Not sure yet....still praying and thinking about it. I hope to have an answer soon....at least before them move out, right?!

"Grandma understood that unless emotional pain was associated with misbehavior, misbehavior would continue unchecked. But then, in Grandma's day, misbehavior was not a psychological phenomenon. It was sin, and one could not afford to fool around where sin was concerned." -I have really like this quote because it reminds me that it's okay....no, actually, great when my kids cry after they do something wrong or after they are disciplined. That means they "got it." They need to associate sin with pain. Wouldn't it be helpful in our own adult lives if we could always adequately make that connection? It also reminds me that in the "discipline war" the battle is not between me and my child. The war I am waging is against sin. So really, my child and I are on the same team....dressing in armor and drawing our swords against the evil one. And I for one will be damned (pardon my language....I know pastor's wives shouldn't curse, but it sure feels appropriate in this sense) if I let the enemy win in my child's life!

If you are at all intrigued, I encourage you to go get this book. I am loving it and it is stirring up some great prayer times and making for some great conversations between Rayden and I about our goals in parenting and how we see ourselves getting there.

A very hands-on dad

2009-11-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

I must preface these photos with a simple request. Please do not take them literally or too seriously. You are about to see pictures of my husband "fighting" with our children. This is their version of rough play with daddy. The boys like to take off their shirts and "punch" each other and wrestle while I make dinner. It's hilarious to me to be stirring something on the stove and hear Nathan yell, "let's do this thing." or to hear Kaleb shout, "you can't handle this." And then wild laughter follows.
Tonight Aubri decided to get in on the action. She even took her shirt off (it's a good thing she's facing away from the camera because I don't know how to censor pictures! ha!)

let the countdown begin.....

2009-11-19T19:26:00.000-08:00

we are headed to Branson for a Hollis family Thanksgiving in just 5 more days! To help the kids understand when we leave (they are about jumping out of their skin to go.....they only ask what day we are leaving about every 20 minutes!) we made paper chains. Every morning we clip one more chain off and count how many are left. We started with 7 and we are now down to 5. We are all anxiously awaiting the day we awake to just one more chain....we'll pack up the car....wait til Kaleb gets out of school....and then head to Missouri. We simply can't wait!

fall leaves

2009-11-19T19:12:00.000-08:00

The first batch pf leaves have fallen off the trees here in Memphis. The kids and I raked them up one day after school and had some fun. I love seeing the pure excitement and joy on their faces. There is nothing like the simple childhood pleasures like jumping into a pile of leaves on your front lawn. I even took a turn myself....I love being a kid myself sometimes too!

new book

2009-11-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have started reading a new book. I hope I finish this one because it's really good (I have a tendency to start books and then not finish because I find a new book I want to start) But I am committing to finish this one. It's called "Parenting by the book" by John Rosemond. I picked it up on a recommendation by a friend (actually an ex-boyfriend) when I posted on facebook all the struggles we were having with Kaleb recently.

It's great so far and I am gleaning all kinds of insight. Here are some of my favorite quotes...

"If you adhere to God's plan in your life, you will still experience sadness, pain, frustration, and heartache (since the Fall, there is no escaping this tribulation), but you will endure and you will eventually come out on top."

"Because Freudian mythology has managed to stay alive despite a lack of proof, the all-too-typical modern mom believes that she is cause and her child's behavior is the effect."

"Grandma also knew that she could not be a good enough parent to guarantee that her children would never do anything despicable, disgusting, or depraved-that the power of their choosing was more powerful than the power of her parenting."

"People with high self esteem possess an entitlement mentality: they believe that anything they do is worthy of merit. As a consequence, they rarely do their best at anything."

These quotes all come from the first 56 pages (I am not very far into it yet),but I love that Mr. Rosemond is challenging the style of parenting that most of us, Christian or not, have bought into today. He is challenging the child-centered family. He is questioning whether a high self-esteem for your child is really a Biblical goal. He is debunking psychological parenting and promoting a Biblical view of child-rearing. It's a really unique perspective because while he is anti-psychological parenting, he is, in fact, a psychologist.

If you need a good parenting book, I recommend this one. Now, keep in mind that I am only on page 56....please do not hold me responsible for any content after that page. But, I can assure that pages 1-56 will be worth your time. I will share more as I get further into it.

What are you reading? Any other recommendations for great books? Have any especially meaningful quotes to share?

Prayers for wisdom

2009-11-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to brag, but I'm no dummy. I graduated in the top 10% of my class in high school and then with honors in college. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am a genius or anything....but I do okay when it comes to book learning. But nothing....let me say it again....NOTHING....has made me feel quite so stupid as becoming a mom.

Time after time I am faced with decisions and situations that are mind boggling. What do you do when your toddler throws themselves on the floor and if crying so violently they may just heave? How should you respond when your son asks you why God can't come into you heart....why does it have to be Jesus? What's the appropriate way to squelch sibling rivalry? See....I feel stupid....I don't have the answers to those questions.

And yesterday I felt my mommy IQ drop a few more points. I got an email from Kaleb's teacher saying that his behavior is getting worse in class. It's not so much that he is disrespectful, but that he consistently gets off task. He dances in the hall, plays in the bathroom, gets out of his seat, sings while he works, talks while the teacher is talking, and meanders around the room. None of those things shock me about my little man. But, hearing that he has become a significant disruption to the class is heartbreaking to me.

The teacher assured me that academically he is at the top of his class....learning to read and write very quickly. But, she was hoping his behavior would have calmed down by now. Me too. And I am not really sure how to help me. We offer rewards, we are consistent with discipline, we encourage, reprimand, and pray....pray....and pray some more.

Yesterday I just felt defeated. I felt like everything we are trying to accomplish with Kaleb is not "sticking." I felt worthless as a mom. I felt embarrassed and sad. I don't want my kid to be "that kid" that teachers talk about in the workroom and that they are glad when they are absent. I want him to be someone who does the right thing. I want....

....wait....I am having a revelation. I am sensing the Lord's voice even as I type this....

When you boil it all the way down, what I am really worried about is not Kaleb at all. What I am really concerned with is that people see me as a good mom. OUCH! That's not a very pleasant revelation. But, praise be to God for speaking His truth into my life so that I can look more like Him.

Lord...may I put my kids needs above my own desires. May I truly seek what is best for them. Would you intervene in their lives in such a way that they will surrender themselves to you and live a life that pleases YOU. And may you intervene in my life in such a way that I will die to myself and give you total control over the way I see myself and how I parent my children.

Friends, will you continue to pray for my sweet Kaleb? He is such a precious boy and I want people to get to see the sweet and sensitive heart that is inside him. He truly loves people and he truly wants to see people be happy. He is willing to sacrifice his own happiness in order to give someone else what they want.

I don't want people to be put off by his inability to focus and be still that they miss who he REALLY is. Pray that he will develop self control. Pray that Rayden and I will have wisdom as we teach him and as we provide rewards and punishments. And pray for wisdom as we begin researching ways to help him through diet, vitamins, and possibly even medication (we are going to investigate with doctors and counselors the possibility of adhd). Mostly though, pray that my little man will honor God in every way.

trick or treat

2009-11-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

There was much debate over what to be for Halloween this year. Let me rephrase that...Kaleb changed his mind alot about what he wanted to be for Halloween this year. I think he made a great choice!

Obi Wan Kanobi (or as his daddy calls him...Obi Wan KaNathan). and, yes, I made that costume myself....thank you very much!

Is that not the sweetest Dorothy you have ever seen? There truly is "no place like home"

Mario....this kid is hilarious!

Ready to head out the door to trick or treat. This was our first year to go door to door....they had a blast. and now we have enough candy to last us the next 3 years.

Lots to catch up on

2009-11-05T20:36:00.001-08:00

I have not blogged in quite sometime. Part of the reason is because instead of writing a blog I have been enjoying....nay, obsessed with....reading other peoples. I am pretty much stalking these coupon blogs. I am scoring deals that you would not believe. I barely believe them myself, but I have the receipts to prove them! The other reason is that I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water right now. I have a mother that I just moved into an assisted living facility, a church that is in financial CRISIS, a daughter who has learned how to throw tantrums, and a kindergartner with no self control (and no, I am not exaggerating....I got an email from his teacher today supporting that statement). But, all that aside....I am back. I will catch you up bit by bit until we find ourselves in the mess that is called today.

First, we took a trip to St. Louis! Hooray! We tried to go over Fall Break, but mom wasn't doing well so we had to postpone. I'm really glad we did. We had such a great time. And it was so freeing to go out of town knowing that my mom was cared for and that she was safe. What a tremendous relief. While in St. Louis we bunked up in my dad's apartment. He made the most amazing cookies! I ate WAY TOO MANY of them....how I managed to still lose 1.6 pounds that week is beyond me, but hey....if the cookie diet works....you don't question it....you just go with it!

We went to Six flags and the Magic house. Both were tremendous amounts of fun. The boys loved seeing the characters at Six Flags, and we realized we have a little daredevil in our family. Nathan displayed no fear as he marched himself on to the Screaming Eagle and rode with his hands up the entire time. Kaleb.....not so much. He did do the mine train, but he was not pleased with the drop at the end....he's pretty sure at this point that roller coasters are not his thing.
It was great to have Uncle Joshie and Susan meet us at the Magic House. I miss my brother like crazy so I am blessed every second I get to spend with him. My kids thought it was pretty cool too....they are awfully fond of all their uncles!

Isn't this picture hilarious? I love love love it!

Another adventure we had was getting Aubri's very first haircut. I know, I know, she is well past turning two....how on earth have I not even trimmed her hair yet? The answer? Simple...I don't know. I was waiting to see what those little front and side hairs were going to do. Finally, I had to cave. My sweet little angel began to rock a pretty hard core mullet. The back kept getting longer and longer, but those front hairs were having an identity crisis. Were they destined to be bangs....were they just holding out on growing longer and catching up with the rest of her hair? I won't leave you in suspense any longer....they are bangs. We cut 4 inches off the back of her hair and most of those precious baby ringlet curls are gone....but, on a positive note....so is the mullet!

progress....as promised

2009-11-05T08:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I am two weeks away from Thanksgiving and I am hopeful. My goal at Weight Watchers has been to lose 16 pounds by Thanksgiving (that will be 10% of my starting weight). After losing 1.6 pounds THIS week, I am up to a total of 14.4 pounds gone! I could not be more thrilled! Even with Halloween and an impromptu trip to Texas de Brazil (yum yum) with family I was able to pull out a loss. I am hoping to reach my goal....maybe even pass it. Although, I know this is the time of year when weight loss is near to impossible. I intend to break tradition....turn the tables....dodge the bullet....and any other cliche that fits. I want to reach my goal. Hears hoping that in two weeks there will be at least 2 pounds less of me!

numbness

2009-10-18T22:42:00.001-07:00

To say that much has happened in the last year would be an understatement. Each of the last few years I think that we will finally close the chapter on a year of large, catastrophic events. And, unfortunately, each year I have been wrong. I don't know what the Lord is up to, but I'm hoping it's big....and GOOD!

This "adventure" I have been on with my mom has been...well....adventuresome. We've been to ERs, psychiatrists, government agencies, banks, mental hospitals, rehabilitation centers, labs, doctors, and finally a neurologist. We ended at the neurologist. And that is where we have found our answer. Frontotempural dementia.

I'm no doctor (nor do I play one on TV) but the best I can gather is that this is a form of dementia striking people between the ages of 40 and 70. It affects the frontal lobe and the temporal lobe of the brain (hence the name of the disease). These are the portions of the brain that affect language and personality.

Anyway...enough medical mumbo jumbo. What it means is that she will not get better. In fact, she will get worse. Way worse. Most websites are saying that once diagnosed you can expect to live another 2 to 9 years.

Not a great diagnosis....but, oddly I am relieved. I am relieved to finally know what we are up against. I am glad that this "monster" has a name now. Now....I have something to aim my anger at.

Although, to be perfectly honest. I'm not really that angry. Oh, don't get me wrong...I want my mom back and I hate what has happened. But, as a whole my level of feeling has gone down drastically in the last while. You would think I would be on this emotional roller coaster....but, I'm just not. In fact, I kinda feel numb.

I think I have unconsciously built this wall up in my life to protect myself from feeling pain. I think it started innocently enough....the pain of my parent's divorce and then my mothers devastating illness proved to be a bit too scary for me to run headlong into. But, the wall grew without me even knowing it. Now I feel a bit stuck inside this box that I myself created. And while the pain and the sorrow are safely on the other side....where I can't see it and it can't get to me....joy, peace, and love are out there with it.

I have learned that you can't choose to feel some things while pretending that other feelings don't exist. In order to be a whole....and complete....person you must walk through EVERY season and be willing to tackle EVERY feeling that comes with EVERY situation. If you shut out pain you will inevitably close yourself off to feeling other wonderful things as well.

God is taking me through an interesting journey. I am asking him to brick by brick remove the joy-stealing walls that I built. Asking for forgiveness all along the way. So far I don't feel much progress. But, I will wait upon the Lord....knowing and believing that this is a prayer he is more than pleased to answer.

I am anxious to FEEL again....whatever that may mean. I am ready to deal with what I find as I crawl out from under the wreckage. Please pray for me....it's been a while since I have been out of this box.

it had to happen sometime....

2009-10-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

I gained weight at my Weight Watchers meeting for the first time this week. Even though I was only up .2 pounds, I was bummed. In my 10 weeks prior I had lost every single week. I am up to a total of 12.4 pounds. It doesn't seem like much when I say it like that, but what I am most thrilled with is how my clothes fit. I have had to buy new pants because I have gone from a size 12-14 to a size 8-10! I was even able to buy a size 8 dress for Rayden's cousin's wedding last weekend! The last size 8 I remember buying was my wedding dress!

I am not sure what this week's weigh-in will hold. It's been a rough week. I moved my mom into her assisted living facility on Tuesday...and as it turns out I am an emotional eater. So....I ate....and ate....and ate some more this week. Hopefully the scale won't be too terribly cruel.

Not only have I learned that I am an emotional eater, but this process has taught me so much more about myself. I have learned that I tend to eat when I am bored. Now....if only I would put down the food and pick up a duster....or a vacuum....or some Windex....then I would be skinny AND a good housekeeper! Second, I enjoy instant gratification. Slow and steady is not my cup of tea....just call me a big ole fat hare. The turtle is not my friend. But, you can't rush weight loss....well I guess you can, but let's be real....I fear vomiting almost more than death itself, so bulimia will never be part of my weight loss journey.

Anyway, I digress. It's been a wild ride. I need to get back on track because the end result excites me. If I have gone down 2 sizes in just 12 pounds, what will happen with the next 15? I can't wait to find out!